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AWFUL COMPETITION

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Here on Jottify, there any many competitions to produce work of quality.

This is not one of them.

Your task is write the worst possible opening sentence for a novel.

Such poor quality writing doesn't desrve a prize, so there isn't one. :-)It's just a bit of fun.

My entry is below.

    33 comments

  1. WordDoodler
    WordDoodlerSupporter said:

    SCIENCE FICTION OPENING:
    The robot stood over Kranz with the photon laser in its hand, made motionless by the force of the laws of robots that all androids were programmed to obey, in particular the 3rd Law Of Robotics (3010), sub-section 15, paragraph 2, as detailed in Appendix 8 of The Thought-Logic Processes of Artificial Mechanical Lifeforms by G.Numan, which clearly states: “if artificial humanoid self-determining machine confronts a four-star Space Commander of the Landric opposing force whilst a ceasefire is in force, under the direction and monitoring of the USC (United Space Council), then said device will remove itself from combative mode in to self-preservation mode, taking all measures to prevent harm as well as not receive harm, until such a time as a) the conflict ceases, b) the USC ceasefire resolution ends, or c) the robotic life-form rusts.

    2 years ago
  2. justa335
    justa335 said:

    *ahem* It was a dark and stormy night. ;)

    2 years ago
    • WordDoodler
      WordDoodlerSupporter said:

      Sorry, no classic literature allowed. :-D

      2 years ago
  3. justa335
    justa335 said:

    It was almost a dark and stormy night? :)

    2 years ago
  4. sohara
    sohara said:

    Sarah’s heart leapt within her chest, like an over-excited kangaroo on a trampoline.

    2 years ago
    • Georgie C
      Georgie C said:

      A winner?

      2 years ago
    • Writer no longer with us said:

      I think this one is actually quite brilliant !! :)

      2 years ago
  5. Nicole Horlings

    Bob sat down.

    2 years ago
    • MrsD
      MrsDSupporter said:

      Haha, this one made me giggle.

      2 years ago
  6. Georgie C
    Georgie C said:

    It was a tall, living organism with 10 roots sticking out of the ground, 5 big branches and lots of green papery stuff connected to the branches.

    2 years ago
  7. H.S.Pattison said:

    (After Daphne du Maurier) ‘Last night I dreamt I went to Matalan.’

    2 years ago
    • Jo
      JoSupporter said:

      bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

      2 years ago
  8. Delilah
    DelilahSupporter said:

    She smiled at Mr Beige. His mate, Mr Grey, was far sexier, but had a strange glint in his eye that scared her a little. Mr Beige looked a much safer bet….

    2 years ago
  9. WordDoodler
    WordDoodlerSupporter said:

    ROMANCE:
    Chardonny quickly removed his string vest , amazed at his perfectly formed beer belly, whilst he quickly removed his trousers displaying his huge M&S y-fonts – no mean feat in a Cortina.

    2 years ago
  10. Oldbirdee
    OldbirdeeSupporter said:

    “So, this is tomorrow” said Scarlet to Rhett…

    2 years ago
  11. Writer no longer with us said:

    Nothing has ever happened to me that has made my life in anyway interesting; I have no story worth telling.

    2 years ago
  12. A Creton called, naked Pascherina screamed unloudly, get onto me right away she gurgled sexily, no he said, I have to eunich off, and he did with a helping boot from her sobbing self.

    2 years ago
    • Writer no longer with us said:

      I want to read on, so this can’t be bad enough!! lol!

      2 years ago
  13. Caraticus P. Holbrook
    Caraticus P. HolbrookSupporter said:

    Her body shimmered in the moonlight, cold, motionless and starting to smell a bit, Mmmm, she knew how to get to me. Necrophilia is not a disorder but a life choice, this is my story.

    2 years ago
  14. Ewan Lawrie
    Ewan LawrieSupporter said:

    I made my entrance in some disorder, since my mother chose to calve behind the Ale-house between customers: this inauspicious beginning I offer in mitigation for the crimes laid at Jack’s door.

    Bollocks! That’s how I always write… start again.

    The strumpet screamed as she birthed the demon that Whitechapel would come to know and fear as Jack.

    2 years ago
    • WordDoodler
      WordDoodlerSupporter said:

      Still too good.

      2 years ago
    • Writer no longer with us said:

      Agree-still too good !

      2 years ago
  15. WordDoodler
    WordDoodlerSupporter said:

    NON-FICTION:
    Welcome to the wonderful world of car-plate number collecting.

    2 years ago
  16. Ewan Lawrie
    Ewan LawrieSupporter said:

    “I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror”

    That’s a winner! Okay, so it’s not mine, but… I can’t beat it either.

    2 years ago
  17. Writer no longer with us said:

    NON-FICTION
    I have always been interested in warehouses.

    2 years ago
  18. Writer no longer with us said:

    ROMANCE
    Come here my darling fluffy bunnykins!

    2 years ago
  19. Heatmeizer
    Heatmeizer said:

    Here’s my entry:

    For the sheer magnitude and bravado necessary to stop a speeding bullet, Anson accepted that he himself was just a mere mortal in the plastic land of undersized, suit-wearing giants.

    2 years ago
  20. The leaf shone bluely, cos of sodness, that’s sodness not sadness you visitor of Pascherina you, can’t you wakeup to the yowl of twoday instead of one, where’s your manners’ uhh.

    2 years ago
  21. WordDoodler
    WordDoodlerSupporter said:

    RECIPE BOOK:

    1) Place bread in toaster.
    2) Set dial to 3.
    3) Press down on handle.
    4) Wait until it pops up.
    5) Open margarine tub.
    6) Take cooked bread (also known as toast) and place on plate.
    7) Spread margarine on toast with knife.
    8) Serve while still warm.

    2 years ago
  22. Terri L. Smith
    Terri L. SmithStaff said:

    Do you have a winner here? I might like to let the winning statement cameo in my novel (as a book the character is reading) if it sits well with the person who wrote it in the first place. Credit would be given, obviously… :)

    2 years ago
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