Comments on: Charmed and Chained http://jottify.com/works/charms-and-chains/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=charms-and-chains A new space for writers to share, read and sell Thu, 23 May 2013 13:07:33 +0100 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.4.1 By: E O Higgins http://jottify.com/works/charms-and-chains/#comment-257285720902880 E O Higgins Mon, 18 Jun 2012 08:55:54 +0000 http://jottify.com/?post_type=jy_work&p=77323#comment-257285720902880 Thanks Sonya... Sorry to hear you're going through a bad time at the moment. Hope things work out soon. At least it doesn't seem to be affecting your writing! Quite the opposite. Love your work, lady. x Thanks Sonya…

Sorry to hear you’re going through a bad time at the moment. Hope things work out soon.

At least it doesn’t seem to be affecting your writing! Quite the opposite.

Love your work, lady. x

]]> By: SonyaLano http://jottify.com/works/charms-and-chains/#comment-257285720902845 SonyaLano Mon, 18 Jun 2012 00:24:16 +0000 http://jottify.com/?post_type=jy_work&p=77323#comment-257285720902845 Thanks, Edward! You're such a charmer :-) I seem to recall now that I've Chapter 9 of a certain excellent book that I haven't read yet! *hits forehead like ditsy blond* Ah, those dark days before I started my to do lists, so many things forgotten! Btw congratulations on unbound! Being in the middle of a divorce and unemployed is kicking my finances in the butt (not to mention me, too) but I am already making a list of books that I want to buy once I get back on my feet and yours is one of the first. Would love to see how your (what did you call him in one of your comments? Gamey?) Trelawney works everything out ;-) Thanks, Edward! You’re such a charmer :-) I seem to recall now that I’ve Chapter 9 of a certain excellent book that I haven’t read yet! *hits forehead like ditsy blond* Ah, those dark days before I started my to do lists, so many things forgotten!
Btw congratulations on unbound! Being in the middle of a divorce and unemployed is kicking my finances in the butt (not to mention me, too) but I am already making a list of books that I want to buy once I get back on my feet and yours is one of the first. Would love to see how your (what did you call him in one of your comments? Gamey?) Trelawney works everything out ;-)

]]> By: SonyaLano http://jottify.com/works/charms-and-chains/#comment-257285720902844 SonyaLano Mon, 18 Jun 2012 00:15:56 +0000 http://jottify.com/?post_type=jy_work&p=77323#comment-257285720902844 Lol! Maybe with Neven (the old wizard guy) you were thinking Gandalf because he's all in white :-) Just kidding. I'll probably have to go through and add ages somehow so people know! It's not that I didn't think your criticism wasn't harsh, but since I've been on Jottify and in a writers group I've learned to deal with criticism a lot better because I know that even harsh criticism has merit. Plus I've had a lot harsher criticism on this story that what you wrote. At a writers group meeting, two members just tore this story apart, saying that that all my characters are exactly the same and that they all act the same, that they're boring and the story is boring and they actually skipped through entire parts because it was so boring. Needless to say, I felt battered and devastated after that and cried when I got home, and I nearly chucked the story entirely after that, but then I ended up writing to my excellent writer friend Eliane and asked her to help me figure out what they were seeing. English is my native language, but I started writing the original of this story in Czech so I could practice the language, and then I started translating it into English because I want to publish it, but 'translate' means more like I'm rewriting and revising as I put it down in English, so it's like a second draft only in a different language than the original lool! What's up here on jottify is more like a fourth draft because of all the rewrites I've done due to above said harsh criticism and because of what others have written on Jottify. The Interludes and the Introduction aren't in the original Czech at all. Anyway, I feel like I'm rambling now so I'll stop and try to get on to my to do list. It haunts my days and my nights with unscratched off items. Thanks again for reading and I really do hope you keep enjoying it. If you want me to put more up you can let me know. I don't have much up because I'm not even sure if people read what's up now. Lol! Maybe with Neven (the old wizard guy) you were thinking Gandalf because he’s all in white :-) Just kidding. I’ll probably have to go through and add ages somehow so people know!
It’s not that I didn’t think your criticism wasn’t harsh, but since I’ve been on Jottify and in a writers group I’ve learned to deal with criticism a lot better because I know that even harsh criticism has merit. Plus I’ve had a lot harsher criticism on this story that what you wrote. At a writers group meeting, two members just tore this story apart, saying that that all my characters are exactly the same and that they all act the same, that they’re boring and the story is boring and they actually skipped through entire parts because it was so boring. Needless to say, I felt battered and devastated after that and cried when I got home, and I nearly chucked the story entirely after that, but then I ended up writing to my excellent writer friend Eliane and asked her to help me figure out what they were seeing.
English is my native language, but I started writing the original of this story in Czech so I could practice the language, and then I started translating it into English because I want to publish it, but ‘translate’ means more like I’m rewriting and revising as I put it down in English, so it’s like a second draft only in a different language than the original lool! What’s up here on jottify is more like a fourth draft because of all the rewrites I’ve done due to above said harsh criticism and because of what others have written on Jottify. The Interludes and the Introduction aren’t in the original Czech at all.
Anyway, I feel like I’m rambling now so I’ll stop and try to get on to my to do list. It haunts my days and my nights with unscratched off items.
Thanks again for reading and I really do hope you keep enjoying it. If you want me to put more up you can let me know. I don’t have much up because I’m not even sure if people read what’s up now.

]]> By: Random Brethren http://jottify.com/works/charms-and-chains/#comment-257285720902839 Random Brethren Sun, 17 Jun 2012 23:41:03 +0000 http://jottify.com/?post_type=jy_work&p=77323#comment-257285720902839 Okay, so I signed out, read your reply, and signed back in to reply... this glitch is getting on my nerves now. Remember what I said: the only reason I'm noticing the sexism is because I'm hypersensitive to that sort of thing through debate on the matter (not in any cool academic way, it's just I like Doctor Who and people have been saying the head writer is a misogynist). I think the whole 'damsel in distress' thing isn't really an issue, and I had less of a problem with the one trapped in the tower (can't remember her name) than with the other two (who felt like they were being put down a lot), simply because I think that plot and character come before political correctness. So Gavin and Lilith isn't a problem for me either, because I know what you mean about staying true to what characters would do in the situation. Maybe stuff might have been lost in translation, it depends on how good you are at English (or Czech, or whichever one came first in your language learning life). Still, if I'd been the one doing the translation, pretty much everything would be lost in translation, including the majority of the words and plot, because I only know a bit of French, which I'm rubbish at in any case, and I depend on Google Translate for any non-English in my novels. The old wizard guy... uh, in the forest. With the house that appears to be alive. I could be wrong - he mightn't be old. He just struck me as that sort of personality. I'm currently re-reading Harry Potter for the millionth time, so it could be that creeping into my subconscious. In any case, despite my comments (which, even if you think they're not harsh, would make me roll up in a little ball of despair) I absolutely love this story. It makes me feel happy, which is probably the first thing I look for in a book. Okay, so I signed out, read your reply, and signed back in to reply… this glitch is getting on my nerves now. Remember what I said: the only reason I’m noticing the sexism is because I’m hypersensitive to that sort of thing through debate on the matter (not in any cool academic way, it’s just I like Doctor Who and people have been saying the head writer is a misogynist). I think the whole ‘damsel in distress’ thing isn’t really an issue, and I had less of a problem with the one trapped in the tower (can’t remember her name) than with the other two (who felt like they were being put down a lot), simply because I think that plot and character come before political correctness. So Gavin and Lilith isn’t a problem for me either, because I know what you mean about staying true to what characters would do in the situation.

Maybe stuff might have been lost in translation, it depends on how good you are at English (or Czech, or whichever one came first in your language learning life). Still, if I’d been the one doing the translation, pretty much everything would be lost in translation, including the majority of the words and plot, because I only know a bit of French, which I’m rubbish at in any case, and I depend on Google Translate for any non-English in my novels.

The old wizard guy… uh, in the forest. With the house that appears to be alive. I could be wrong – he mightn’t be old. He just struck me as that sort of personality. I’m currently re-reading Harry Potter for the millionth time, so it could be that creeping into my subconscious.

In any case, despite my comments (which, even if you think they’re not harsh, would make me roll up in a little ball of despair) I absolutely love this story. It makes me feel happy, which is probably the first thing I look for in a book.

]]> By: SonyaLano http://jottify.com/works/charms-and-chains/#comment-257285720902620 SonyaLano Sun, 17 Jun 2012 02:16:03 +0000 http://jottify.com/?post_type=jy_work&p=77323#comment-257285720902620 Thanks for reading and commenting - sorry I didn't respond sooner. What's always good to do with critiques that seem vague or that you're not quite sure you agree with is to share them with others who have read the story to see if they know what the critique is saying, because every piece of criticism no matter how vague has some grain of truth to it because it's something that the reader isn't satisfied with in the story, though sometimes exactly what element that is is hard to define. So while trying to figure out what you meant, I sent your comment to a couple of my writer friends, after which one of them told me that my entire story is very sexist, as in I have three "damsels in distress" and then three men who are more powerful than they are and who have all the knowledge (secrets). So maybe that's what you're seeing that bothers you? In any case it shouldn't stay like that and the relationships should even out later on; that is, Gavin and Lilith should even out a lot more, Ellowyn should actually become the one with the upper hand or the one in control in her part, and I think Saryna is the only one who seems to remain in the role of damsel in distress, mainly because she's the one whom the antagonist is trying to kill so she's always being attacked by someone or something. In any case, I'm not sure if that's what you were seeing. And as for what I was trying to achieve, Gavin should be amused by Lilith but definitely NOT mean-spirited in his actions toward her, nor should he seem condescending. He does know lots more of what's going on but that's because he can't tell her yet. He's supposed to come across as likeable but untrustworthy. I'm not sure how he came across to you. Btw who is the "old wizard guy" you were talking about? I can't think of a single old wizard in the story, so I must have gone wrong somewhere in my descriptions! As to Lilith warming up to Gavin too quickly, I'll keep that in mind when I'm doing my next rewrite / read-through. I'm not sure if I did it on accident (the original version of this is in Czech and that version is nearly finished; now I'm translating it into English so maybe the characters feel like they already know each other and that spills across into the translation?), or maybe I was worried too that Lilith might come across as mean or petty if I didn't make her at least a little bit nice, because she does talk a lot about using Gavin's powers for her own gain. Whatever :-) Don't worry too much about anything being unfair to Lilith; she can take just about anything in stride and land on her feet! I'm still not quite sure what you mean by the foiling being approached in the wrong way. Generally I write the characters how I see them acting and don't bother with trying to set up interactions a certain way. That's why I sent your comment to my friend, to try and figure out what was wrong and how to fix it, and she mentioned the sexist thing. So I'm not sure if that's what you meant or if you meant something else entirely. Anyway, I'm not sure if I'm making sense :-) I'd probably better get some sleep! Thanks again for reading and commenting! Thanks for reading and commenting – sorry I didn’t respond sooner. What’s always good to do with critiques that seem vague or that you’re not quite sure you agree with is to share them with others who have read the story to see if they know what the critique is saying, because every piece of criticism no matter how vague has some grain of truth to it because it’s something that the reader isn’t satisfied with in the story, though sometimes exactly what element that is is hard to define. So while trying to figure out what you meant, I sent your comment to a couple of my writer friends, after which one of them told me that my entire story is very sexist, as in I have three “damsels in distress” and then three men who are more powerful than they are and who have all the knowledge (secrets). So maybe that’s what you’re seeing that bothers you? In any case it shouldn’t stay like that and the relationships should even out later on; that is, Gavin and Lilith should even out a lot more, Ellowyn should actually become the one with the upper hand or the one in control in her part, and I think Saryna is the only one who seems to remain in the role of damsel in distress, mainly because she’s the one whom the antagonist is trying to kill so she’s always being attacked by someone or something.
In any case, I’m not sure if that’s what you were seeing. And as for what I was trying to achieve, Gavin should be amused by Lilith but definitely NOT mean-spirited in his actions toward her, nor should he seem condescending. He does know lots more of what’s going on but that’s because he can’t tell her yet. He’s supposed to come across as likeable but untrustworthy. I’m not sure how he came across to you.
Btw who is the “old wizard guy” you were talking about? I can’t think of a single old wizard in the story, so I must have gone wrong somewhere in my descriptions!
As to Lilith warming up to Gavin too quickly, I’ll keep that in mind when I’m doing my next rewrite / read-through. I’m not sure if I did it on accident (the original version of this is in Czech and that version is nearly finished; now I’m translating it into English so maybe the characters feel like they already know each other and that spills across into the translation?), or maybe I was worried too that Lilith might come across as mean or petty if I didn’t make her at least a little bit nice, because she does talk a lot about using Gavin’s powers for her own gain. Whatever :-)
Don’t worry too much about anything being unfair to Lilith; she can take just about anything in stride and land on her feet! I’m still not quite sure what you mean by the foiling being approached in the wrong way. Generally I write the characters how I see them acting and don’t bother with trying to set up interactions a certain way. That’s why I sent your comment to my friend, to try and figure out what was wrong and how to fix it, and she mentioned the sexist thing. So I’m not sure if that’s what you meant or if you meant something else entirely.
Anyway, I’m not sure if I’m making sense :-) I’d probably better get some sleep!
Thanks again for reading and commenting!

]]> By: E O Higgins http://jottify.com/works/charms-and-chains/#comment-257285720901916 E O Higgins Thu, 14 Jun 2012 08:42:04 +0000 http://jottify.com/?post_type=jy_work&p=77323#comment-257285720901916 Quite annoyingly good, Sonya. As I've come to expect from you... xx Quite annoyingly good, Sonya.

As I’ve come to expect from you…

xx

]]> By: Random Brethren http://jottify.com/works/charms-and-chains/#comment-257285720901879 Random Brethren Thu, 14 Jun 2012 00:11:32 +0000 http://jottify.com/?post_type=jy_work&p=77323#comment-257285720901879 I <em>really</em> like this. I’ve reached just before the second Interlude, and I’m very much enjoying it. Truth be told, I was supposed to comment with all my thoughts when I reached there (a few weeks ago), but then I had exams and stuff and I forgot… so I have a lot of work to do catching up. Nonetheless, this story is and continues to be a great lot of fun, even with the characters who one wouldn’t think of as comical as Lilith. It’s quite intriguing, and I can’t help but hope that the old wizard guy isn’t evil (I can’t remember his name… although I must say, it would be a bit of a shocker if he was evil. Not that you should make him evil. I like old wizard guys). <b>Warning, this bit is going to sound harsh and I’m going to ramble a lot, because I’m really bad at getting my point across most of the time</b> My only real complaint is that Lilith warms up to Gavin a bit too quickly. Considering her personality, as well as her distrust of men AND posh people, of which Gavin happens to be both, their relationship moves a bit too quickly from ‘proper’ arguing to ‘somewhat friendly’ arguing. So while she still doesn’t trust him or like him, you can see that she subconsciously trusts and likes him in any case. I think it might work better if that relationship element (dunno what else to call it) comes out more strongly after Gavin makes the posh people at dinner embarrass themselves, because that gives her more of a reason to start to like him. Also, I think that it’s a bit unfair to Lilith that there are so many moments in which he shows her up. It’s not that those moments aren’t good, or funny, or well written or whatever, because they are – Gavin’s an excellent foil to Lilith. The problem is that we haven’t seen enough of Lilith’s character by the time he starts to show her up for us to want her to be foiled, so that she comes out looking worse off, or a lesser character, which I think is definitely not what you want to bring across. We haven’t gotten much of a chance to really see what Gavin’s foiling, as it were. Generally, I’ve seen a lot of strong women being foiled by men before we start to see what’s being foiled, which (while I know this definitely isn’t your intention) brings a bit of a chauvinistic feel to the story. It’s not that I mind the foiling, it’s that it feels like it’s being approached in the wrong way. ^That might all sound a bit harsh, but don’t take it on too much. I haven’t read the story for a while, so I’m writing from vague memory of what I had wanted to say, so… whatever I say, just take it to be milder than what it is. Also, I’ve been involved in some quite harsh debates on sexism in media (and in life in general), so it’s probable that I’m just over-analyzing in that respect. Next time, I'll actually write right after I read the story... sorry about the vagueness and harshity. I really like this. I’ve reached just before the second Interlude, and I’m very much enjoying it. Truth be told, I was supposed to comment with all my thoughts when I reached there (a few weeks ago), but then I had exams and stuff and I forgot… so I have a lot of work to do catching up. Nonetheless, this story is and continues to be a great lot of fun, even with the characters who one wouldn’t think of as comical as Lilith. It’s quite intriguing, and I can’t help but hope that the old wizard guy isn’t evil (I can’t remember his name… although I must say, it would be a bit of a shocker if he was evil. Not that you should make him evil. I like old wizard guys).

Warning, this bit is going to sound harsh and I’m going to ramble a lot, because I’m really bad at getting my point across most of the time
My only real complaint is that Lilith warms up to Gavin a bit too quickly. Considering her personality, as well as her distrust of men AND posh people, of which Gavin happens to be both, their relationship moves a bit too quickly from ‘proper’ arguing to ‘somewhat friendly’ arguing. So while she still doesn’t trust him or like him, you can see that she subconsciously trusts and likes him in any case. I think it might work better if that relationship element (dunno what else to call it) comes out more strongly after Gavin makes the posh people at dinner embarrass themselves, because that gives her more of a reason to start to like him.

Also, I think that it’s a bit unfair to Lilith that there are so many moments in which he shows her up. It’s not that those moments aren’t good, or funny, or well written or whatever, because they are – Gavin’s an excellent foil to Lilith. The problem is that we haven’t seen enough of Lilith’s character by the time he starts to show her up for us to want her to be foiled, so that she comes out looking worse off, or a lesser character, which I think is definitely not what you want to bring across. We haven’t gotten much of a chance to really see what Gavin’s foiling, as it were. Generally, I’ve seen a lot of strong women being foiled by men before we start to see what’s being foiled, which (while I know this definitely isn’t your intention) brings a bit of a chauvinistic feel to the story. It’s not that I mind the foiling, it’s that it feels like it’s being approached in the wrong way.

^That might all sound a bit harsh, but don’t take it on too much. I haven’t read the story for a while, so I’m writing from vague memory of what I had wanted to say, so… whatever I say, just take it to be milder than what it is. Also, I’ve been involved in some quite harsh debates on sexism in media (and in life in general), so it’s probable that I’m just over-analyzing in that respect.

Next time, I’ll actually write right after I read the story… sorry about the vagueness and harshity.

]]> By: SonyaLano http://jottify.com/works/charms-and-chains/#comment-257285720901373 SonyaLano Tue, 12 Jun 2012 11:09:06 +0000 http://jottify.com/?post_type=jy_work&p=77323#comment-257285720901373 But thanks for dropping in ;-) If you do get around to reading this, I hope you enjoy! But thanks for dropping in ;-) If you do get around to reading this, I hope you enjoy!

]]> By: SonyaLano http://jottify.com/works/charms-and-chains/#comment-257285720901371 SonyaLano Tue, 12 Jun 2012 11:08:01 +0000 http://jottify.com/?post_type=jy_work&p=77323#comment-257285720901371 I know how it is! I'm a bit nocturnal myself and can't seem to organize my time to fit everything in that I want to! I do that sometimes too, skim through a book or story before I start reading it. I actually read a couple of your novels (the first chapters or so) last week, but I don't think I commented (the comments seem to take longer than the reading sometimes!). And I have a reading list that makes me want to cry it's so long! I know how it is! I’m a bit nocturnal myself and can’t seem to organize my time to fit everything in that I want to! I do that sometimes too, skim through a book or story before I start reading it. I actually read a couple of your novels (the first chapters or so) last week, but I don’t think I commented (the comments seem to take longer than the reading sometimes!). And I have a reading list that makes me want to cry it’s so long!

]]> By: A drop of golden sun http://jottify.com/works/charms-and-chains/#comment-72653 A drop of golden sun Thu, 31 May 2012 01:56:11 +0000 http://jottify.com/?post_type=jy_work&p=77323#comment-72653 I neeeed to read this! (when it's not 3 am and I have work in the morn). I've read parts, because I'm weird like that and always skip about a bit when I first come across something I think I'll like. But yeah, I'm really excited to read this through properly :) I neeeed to read this! (when it’s not 3 am and I have work in the morn). I’ve read parts, because I’m weird like that and always skip about a bit when I first come across something I think I’ll like. But yeah, I’m really excited to read this through properly :)

]]>