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Healer’s Touch

By

Thanks to the help and support I received from Jottify users (as well as other online forums), "Healer's Touch" is now published by UK-based Kristell Ink!

Available for purchase from:

Amazon UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Healers-Touch-ebook/dp/B00B7RYFDI/ (Kindle)

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Healers-Touch-Deb-E-Howell/dp/1909374083/ (Paperback)

Amazon US: http://www.amazon.com/Healers-Touch-Deb-E-Howell/dp/1909374083/ (Paperback)

http://www.amazon.com/Healers-Touch-ebook/dp/B00B7RYFDI/ (Kindle)

Barnes & Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/healers-touch-deb-e-howell/1114235740?ean=9781909374089 (Paperback)

***

Llew has a gift. Her body heals itself from any injury – but at a cost to anyone nearby.

On the run after surviving the hangman's noose, Llew learns that her ability to heal herself and others is more dangerous than she could have imagined. And her greatest hope of remaining free of those who would use her power for ill lies with the man who would kill her if he ever found out what she was… or would he?

"There isn't a dull moment in the story, with the action starting from the first page." — Jo Toon, SFFANZ: http://www.sffanz.org.nz/reviews/reviewdocs/healers_touch.shtml

"I wanted to cheer her on a few times when she stood up for herself. I was also embarrassed for her a time or two when she couldn’t control her mouth. " — http://lostinsidethecovers.wordpress.com/2013/01/31/review-healers-touch/

 

* * *

Chapter One

Llew didn’t break stride to kick the empty glass bottle aside, barely giving it a thought. Litter was the least of the hazards in Cheer’s streets at night. She walked with her head down, hands thrust deep in the pockets of her sepia trousers, blending in with the evening’s wildlife. With hair in dire need of a trim, there was always a risk that the disguise wouldn’t hold – but it only had to hold until she got home. She would cut the offending locks in the morning.

A commotion broke out up ahead at Camille’s Cathouse. Some john lacking the financial means to sate his desires by the looks and sounds of it. Perhaps he should have thought about that before buying such a large bottle of whisky. The town’s men hunted gold by day, oblivion and pussy by night, and sometimes the two aims conflicted. Both aims could spell danger, especially for Llew.

She approached the still cussing man, stepping into the road to give him a wide berth. At this time of night one, at least, didn’t need to be so cautious about steaming piles in the middle of the dusty streets; all the horses were asleep in their stables or paddocks, or waiting lazily outside a bar or brothel.

“Out for a good time, boy?” The old coot stepped in front of Llew, stopping her in her tracks. “I’ll share one wi’ yer.”

Llew tried to side-step him, but he mirrored her movement.

“It’s still five miras each. Two men, ten miras.” The half-dressed madam on the porch folded her arms across her chest and stared down at them.

“You said five miras per girl. We only need the one.” His arm snaked across Llew’s shoulders drawing her in to him. If she hadn’t already been cursing staying late with Kynas, she would have started now. “What d’you say? I’ll let you go first. I won’t even watch. Sure you won’t mind me listenin’, though.”

Llew struggled to find her voice, her deeper, more boyish voice. She shook her head.

“Five miras per … service.” The woman’s eyes narrowed. “You want cheap, Renny, you go down see Hedy’s girls. They’ll look after you real nice.”

“Aw, but Hedy don’t have your wee Tamra.” Renny pulled Llew closer to his mouth. His breath reeked like it was at the wrong end of his body. “Wee Tamra’s my favourite,” he confided in a loud whisper.

“Tamra’s busy, anyway. Now scoot.” The woman waved the back of a hand at the man, dismissing him. “And don’t come back till you’ve got some cash.”

Still clutching Llew, Renny waved his bottle, miraculously not spilling any liquor.

“Oh, you’re a hard woman, Cammy.”

“Better a hard woman than a limp dick any day, Renny.” The woman flashed a gleaming white grin at them. “Maybe next time you’ll rethink the whisky. Or at least buy it here. Then maybe we can talk discounts. Loyalty is rewarded at Camille’s.”

“Oh, aye.” The man turned Llew with him to dawdle back the way she’d just come. “Women, eh? Never give nothin’ for free.”

Llew didn’t know anyone who gave anything for free, and didn’t see why the brothel girls should be any different.

“Well lad, shall we try Hedy’s?” Renny squeezed again.

Llew tensed the second his step faltered.

He regained his composure almost instantly and squeezed her shoulders once more, this time looking down at the way her shirt bunched across her chest. Two small but distinct peaks appeared as her shoulders rounded under the applied pressure.

“Well, well. Looks like my luck is on the up ’n’ up.” His arm reached around her shoulders so his hand could feel the soft flesh beneath Llew’s shirt. He made a slurping sound, took a swig from his bottle, and tried to bring her around in front of him. Llew pushed against him and ducked under his arm. But he was quick and grabbed the loose waist of her shirt.

“Hey! We was just gettin’ to know each other.” He tugged and Llew bounced against his chest.

She used the momentum to break free of his grasp, turned and ran. The whisky hadn’t kicked in as much as she thought, because he was on her heels. She tried to keep her line straight down the middle of the road. A straggling group of men leaving Polly’s Bar farther down the road made no moves to let her pass, seeming to find the spectacle of a young boy running from an older man interesting verging on downright hilarious. Some of them reached out to slow Llew, but they didn’t go so far as to stop her. Fearing that the men would turn on her, Llew didn’t plead for their help but pumped her limbs even harder, and a few moments later she was free of them. Unhindered by the group, Renny caught up to her, knocking her into a narrow alleyway between McNulty’s Bar and a Barber Pierson’s.

The crash of the half-full bottle against the wall rang out as Llew fell to the ground. Quickly regaining her feet, she found herself facing jagged glass and Renny looking pissed off.

“That bottle cost me a night with wee Tamra. Come ’ere,” he said, flinging both arms out in some sort of drunken embrace. He missed, but the bottle swung dangerously close and Llew hopped back, deeper into the alley. “You owe me the price of a bottle o’ whisky, girlie. And maybe a bit more.”

“You broke it, you drunk bastard.” Llew dodged the man’s next lunge and made a pass for the alleyway’s entrance.

He brandished the bottle at her. “That ain’t the language of no young lady.”

“Who said anything about being a lady?”

They danced side to side, Llew looking for a gap, Renny blocking.

“Oh, you like playin’ at it like a boy, eh? Well, I ain’t picky. Turn around, we won’t even have to take them pants right off.” He paused to grab his crotch.

“Fuck you.”

Llew lunged and Renny blocked her path again, grabbing her and throwing her back on the ground. He scrabbled at her feverishly, trying to get her trousers undone. Llew kicked wildly, she punched, she clawed, and when he hit her back she grabbed his face, digging her fingers close to his eyes and returning the pain. Renny slashed her with the bottle, slicing her shoulder. Llew pressed her hand against his chin, pushing him up and closing her wound. He screamed in shock and slashed again. Llew grabbed his wrist, healing this new scratch on her arm.

Renny cried out again and now swung the bottle blindly, hysterically, cutting Llew’s cheek, neck, chest, forehead, shoulder, ear, nose, eye, throat …

Somewhere in all the chaos, a strange peace overcame her. She relaxed and let it take her.

 

 

Llew woke to the scent of blood, the jaunty tinkle of a piano being played nearby, light spilling across a wood-plank wall, and a heavy feeling in her chest. No. Not in her chest. It was on her chest, and it was sticky and damp.

Smell of blood. Heavy thing. Sticky and damp.

She pushed up. The corpse – she couldn’t feel any breathing other than her own – lifted, teetered, and then the strength in Llew’s arms failed. She fell back and the body dropped down with her. A glass bottle smacked to the ground and rolled across the ground, scraping the stones. Dim candlelight from the uncovered window above reflected from its shattered edge.

A broken bottle. The dead man.

Remembered pain flitted through Llew’s mind. He had attacked her and now he was dead. The events between those two points were a blank. Her shirt was wet, almost certainly with blood.

Mustering all her strength, she wedged her hands under the man’s shoulders and heaved again, pushing higher on one side. His shoulder slid to the ground, easing the weight off her. Bracing herself on her elbows, she kicked and slid, freeing her legs. Clambering to her feet, Llew shook herself. Her nearly-white shirt looked black in the low light. Foul. Only slightly less so with the knowledge that it was her own blood. She could just make out his face, frozen in an expression of horror, in the flickering candlelight from the window above. There was no outward sign of injury Llew could see – apart from all the blood, of course.

She couldn’t be found there with the body. The Farries would hang her without question. She turned and ran from the alley, emerging alongside the front entrance of The Diamond Duster – the last of Cheer’s bars to close for the night, and even then usually only at the Farries’ specific request.

“Bit of a rough one, there, lad?” Someone called after her.

Llew kept to the shadows – not that there were many Cheer locals out this late in the dark folds of night, but she had no way to explain her blood-soaked state if she did run into anyone.

The distance back to her hovel by Big River seemed longer than normal, but finally dusty dirt road gave way to swathes of tussock punctuated by the occasional matagouri or lancewood. She pushed her way through long grasses and past branches heavy with yellow bell-shaped flowers, grey in the early morning light, past her thatched, thigh-high hovel, before pulling off her shoes at the stony bank and wading straight into the water, not bothering to remove her clothing. To have any chance of washing the blood from them, she would have to soak them now.

The swift current carried away the sensation of the man’s weight lying over her even as it lifted the blood from her skin and washed it away. It was her blood. It was all hers. He had killed her, and now he was dead.

She had never killed before. Probably because she had never died before. Healing, yes, she’d done that. She knew what must have happened, and yet couldn’t bring herself to admit it. Surely she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t come back from the dead. No one came back from death.

She pulled the shirt over her head, then squeezed it under the water, rubbing it and rinsing it and rubbing again. The cold glow of dawn crept across the sky. And the browned blood could not be washed from the garment. She had left Kynas’ late, but not that late. How long had she lain unconscious? Or dead?

Llew cursed and threw the shirt to shore. She only had one other shirt, and she was almost certain it was getting too small. She would have to spend a good deal of her earnings on a new one. Or take the risk of stealing more than her usual quota. But she maintained a quota for a reason. After all, she only needed what she needed, and being greedy got you caught.

Already half undressed, she fought with her trousers until they jerked free of her body. They, too, were stained with her blood. Damn it! Clothing wasn’t cheap. She could feed herself for free, but if she wanted to mingle with the general public, she had to buy clothes. While she knew how to use a needle and thread, her skills in that department only went as far as basic repairs.

She dug her hands into the river bed and then, with handfuls of sediment, scrubbed the last of the blood from her chest, her face and her arms. Now acclimatised to the water’s chill, she waded in a little farther and dunked herself under, emerging a few seconds later to wipe her eyes clear of water and slightly-too-long hair. She pressed her feet through the muddy sediment, feeling it erupt between her toes, and took the time to appreciate the warmth beneath its surface. Strange how that little bit of heat always remained, somehow not leached by the rushing water above. Like her own sense of worth, somehow not drained by living beneath the flow of Cheer’s society.

Cheer. Named for the happiness the first settlers experienced when they started digging gold. The gold was gone. As was the cheer. But Cheer remained.

She peered at her hands in the rippling water. A man had died at her hands. But she had died at his hands first. It was little consolation, but it made forgiving herself easier.

Her fingers began to tingle and sting from the cold and she made her way back to shore, wiped herself down with handfuls of grass, returned to her little hovel and wrapped her woollen blanket about her. Despite having spent however many hours unconscious, she needed sleep. There was only a couple of hours before the market started. She drifted off, revelling in the aromas of dew-soaked grasses, damp stones, and thyme.

The heat of the sun on her otherwise frozen toes woke her. Llew lay there a few more moments, pulling the blanket clear of her legs, savouring the heat and drinking in the perfumed air. There was little in her life she cherished, but moments like these almost made it worth it.

She dragged herself from her bed, pulled on her clean shirt – which was a little too tight across the shoulders and hinted at the breasts she preferred to keep hidden.

She sharpened her knife on a river stone, grabbed tufts of hair in her other hand and began hacking. The fringe had grown to her eyebrows and the sides were nearly covering her ears. Too long. She cared little for the end result – the less pretty the better. By the time she finished, the sun was well up. The market would be in full swing.

She struggled into the damp pants, fastened her belt, and headed for town hoping brown stains on brown material would pass unnoticed.

The monthly market was one of the few times the people of Cheer really mingled and paraded. Women displayed their curves with cinched-in waists below elegant necklines, and men wore pressed shirts, trousers hooked up by suspenders, and vests decorated with gold chains and pocket watches.

They preened and swaggered, yet still shared the street with the others who had arrived too late to make their fortune. The predominant colour was brown in all its shades, with splashes of red, blue or yellow marking both a woman of class or a girl prospecting for tricks.

Llew was invisible among the finery and silent amid the propositions.

She had already collected three purses when something caught her eye. Two things, but there was only one she would be taking with her. One was a knife. It hung from a belt slung across a pair of trousers filled in a most tantalising way by a fine arse. She watched the way the folds of material moved and shifted as the owner passed by stalls selling every variety of produce from meats to baked goods, hand-made crafts, and even entertainment in the form of song or dance. If she walked about with a knife like that slung from her hip, people would reconsider pushing her into alleyways. She was halfway certain the knife’s finely carved ivory, or bone, handle had drawn her eye down first. A knife like that made a statement.

She needed that knife.

Her eyes trailed the handle everywhere it went. Her feet followed, and the rest of her body weaved its way between people and stalls. The arse and knife stopped. So did another street kid thinking he was in with a shot. Anger flashed through Llew. The knife was hers!

So fast she barely saw him move the man bared his teeth and growled at the would-be thief, frightening the desire for the weapon right out of him. Side-on, Llew could see the man’s vest. A leather vest, heavy with smaller knives. Not small knives, just smaller than the one on his hip. She nearly reconsidered her need for the knife, but was convinced she needed it more than the man did. He did, after all, have all those other knives at his disposal.

The boy stammered out an apology. Released, he ran with absolutely no care for who he bumped into along the way. So unprofessional.

The long-haired man in his dusty black, wide-brimmed hat turned and muttered something to his curly-haired companion. Both men laughed and turned their attention to a stall selling a range of meaty nibbles. Llew moved closer.

It was hard to stay inconspicuous. People divided around her, she was like rock poking through water’s surface. While extra height had its advantages, it was beginning to get ridiculous. Llew was keeping pace with most of the boys she knew, and despite most girls her age having matured a couple of years earlier, she only seemed to be getting taller and a little broader. No worthwhile breasts, though, damn it, just enough to compromise her pose as a boy.

As if to rub it in, a stylish dress with a tasteful neckline cupping two beautiful, rounded breasts, hooked Llew’s attention on its way past. It disappeared back into the crowd and she looked down at her own shirt that hung almost straight down – straight down enough, for nearly everyone to assume she was a boy, which was fine by Llew, really, it was. A girl her age, with no parents, was better off being seen as a boy in a place like Cheer. Still, it didn’t stop a small part of her coveting the chance to wear a pretty dress one day. One day. Not today. Dresses tended to lack pockets.

The task at hand was the knife, and the opportunity to take it presented itself while the pair of men were distracted by a clown hopping around with bells attached to his shoes. He jiggled these in the air while he juggled flaming batons. The taller, curly-haired man’s eyes shone in delight at the display. The shorter, darker, knife carrier watched as a fellow professional might: nothing escaped his attention.

She moved in, her hand twitching, her finely honed muscles tensed. Keeping her eyes on the men and concentrating on looking like a casual passer-by to other passers-by, she flicked the domed catch securing the knife in place, then moved with the dark-skinned man as he shifted his weight. She gripped the end of the knife handle between finger and thumb, and pulled: gently, but swiftly.

Llew withdrew back into the throng. She hefted the knife a couple of times and smiled at the weight and balance. There was something so right about it.

She slid the knife into her belt and pulled her shirt as low as it would go. The tip hung below the linen, but it wasn’t enough to give the game away, she was sure.

“Hey!”

Now she was less sure. A quick glance over her shoulder removed all doubt. He was enraged, and he and his companion were pushing through the crowd toward her.

Llew took off, ducking fancy hats and parasols. She spared a moment of thanks for the unusually long legs that carried her through the crowd just as fast as the men following her. Skirting parcels and large bellies, and leaving a trail of indignant exclamations, she soon reached the edge of the market and slipped around the corner of a blacksmith’s. Clinging to the wood-panelled wall, she listened. No footsteps to be heard. She took the chance to breathe deeply and relax. Being there, smelling the furnace and hearing the clang, she, as always, felt contempt for the men who’d told her she couldn’t run her father’s smithy when he disappeared. Who were they to judge her ability? Being a girl had nothing to do with it. She had worked by his side for years.

Hearing a creak, Llew looked up, but could see nought save the eave of the roof. She stepped out from the building for a better look.

A crouching figure pounced. The sun, suddenly revealed, blinded her and she was thrown back, her head ringing from its collision with the road. At once her wrists were pressed to the ground either side of her head. Her vision cleared to reveal a face framed by sandy-brown hair. She recognised the knife-owner’s companion. He was grim, although there was something else there; a hint of exhilaration lit up the blue eyes. She struggled in his grasp, but he was strong and straddled her across the middle. Another set of footsteps approached and then a hand gripped her collar. The curly-haired man stood as she was wrenched from the ground and shoved into the nearby wall. Something sharp pressed against her chest.

She glanced down at a compact crossbow, loaded, and digging into her sternum. She looked up into a dark, scowling face.

If he hadn’t been threatening her, she might have thought he was attractive despite the scars – a hand-shaped burn under his jaw and a couple of lines through an eyebrow, among others. He had a darker complexion than most Cheer locals, with brown eyes and long dark hair. The wide-brimmed hat cast a shadow across his eyes.

“Well, you’re a ray of sunlight on a cloudy day. Or should that be the other way around?”

“Shut up,” he said. His voice was deep and gravelly though he looked barely in his twenties. He spoke with an accent. Not local, then.

“Jonas – ”

“Back off, Al. He took my knife,” he said over his shoulder without breaking eye-contact with Llew. Then he leaned in so close she could taste his breath. “Now, give it back.” He spoke quietly, but the commanding tone made her jump. The point of the crossbow grazed her chest through the thin shirt.

“Alright, alright!” She fumbled at her waistband to free the knife. “Could you consider maybe not pressing that thing in to me? I think you’ve drawn blood.” Sure enough, a little red seeped through the linen. Great. More blood-stained clothing. She held the knife up by her head and managed to bite her tongue to hold back further comments. She guessed he was one to take care of his own problems rather than turning them over to the authorities – something that could work in her favour, if she played her hand right. Of course, it could also go horribly wrong.

He grabbed the knife, and, stepping back, sheathed it. Then his fist was in her gut, emptying her lungs and folding her over. He turned on his heel, saying, “Come on, Al. We got work to do.”

“Thanks for the sport.” Al grinned and his blue eyes flashed. “It’s been fun.”

Clutching her belly, Llew watched them disappear around the corner. A punch in the gut beat being hauled off to the gallows any day. Even as she coughed phlegm and tried to take in a full breath, she was intrigued. They were certainly not locals.

The scratch on her chest stung. She scanned the area about her, then saw what she was after. Across the street, perched in a windowsill, sat a flower box overflowing with flourishing forget-me-nots. Ignoring the sign on the wall decreeing a “Magic-free Aghacia”, she brushed her fingertips across the leaves. They wilted. The pain in her gut eased and the graze on her chest tingled and ceased to hurt.

The flash of a dead man filled her mind’s eye, and for the first time in her life, Llew felt guilty for killing a plant. But she couldn’t return life. Once stolen, it remained in her possession.

Under the weight of the three purses, her trousers sat awry, revealing the slim hip under a too-short shirt. Time to rectify that. She turned back toward the market.

From the street corner she watched the two foreigners take the few wooden steps up to the grocer’s. While physically smaller both in height and breadth, the one called Jonas had an aura of power that labelled him the leader of the two, but they both moved with a confidence Llew envied. She wondered what kind of work they could be doing, but had little doubt that soon they would be moving on and leaving Cheer. Her envy grew.

Yet Llew loved Cheer. It was her home town, and the kind of town where people could make their fortune. The only problem with that was that one needed a small fortune to get the equipment needed to plunder the hills and high-country rivers. These days, absentee rich miners hired locals to do the back-breaking labour so that there was a steady, if dwindling, flow of gold out of Cheer; and less and less coming in.

At least Cheer, and Aghacia as a whole, was untouched by the wars Llew saw mentioned almost daily on the newsstands. That was where Cheer truly shined. Peace reigned. And there was no denying Cheer’s natural beauty if one took the time to go beyond those areas touched by settlers, whose greed recognised no boundary.

She made her way back up the main street, scooting around and past people studying the goods on offer or dawdling away from the temptation to spend more.

“Hey, Llew!”

Llew cursed under her breath. A one-time close friend, these days Kynas made her skin crawl.

Still, he was about the only real friend she had.

“Hi, Kynas.” She slowed her pace, allowing him to fall in beside her.

“It’s been a good day.” He grinned, patting his pocket. “Did you have a good day?”

She jiggled the pouches hanging off her waist.

“Great,” he said, the jealousy only touching his features for an instant. “You wanna come by my place?”

“No, Kynas. I’m not in the mood.”

“You ain’t been in the mood all summer.” The boy pouted and stopped walking.

No.

Kynas had managed to pick up a job doing odds and ends for an elderly couple. They couldn’t pay him but allowed him to make a small outbuilding on their property his own. Llew had been known to share it with him on cold winter evenings. But it wasn’t winter yet.

For a few years now, they had been friends, looking out for each other. Kynas had even helped her make the transition to life on the street – it wasn’t her fault she had soon outstripped him in the skills he taught. But last winter something had changed. Huddling together to keep warm had become something different. They had experimented, explored themselves and each other. For a while it had been fun. But it wasn’t long before Kynas wanted to play when Llew didn’t. And suddenly the shelter wasn’t free to her any more. Their friendship had come to an end.

She continued walking. She wasn’t about to prostitute herself just to make him feel better. He should know that. Llew had cut her hair short, taken to dressing like a boy, and learnt the art of picking pockets to avoid that lifestyle. Besides, there were plenty of others willing to see to his needs. Well, okay, so she’d originally cut her hair and worn pants to please her father, who preferred having a son over a daughter who reminded him so much of his wife. But she had kept the look for her own reasons.

She stopped into Inael’s store to try on a couple of shirts. With little occasion to dress up and not enough money to be concerned about matching styles and colours, she stuck to her usual off-white linen. She bought two shirts, figuring it was always handy to be able to wash one while still having something decent to wear. She thanked old Inael and skipped down the steps and back onto the dirt road heading for home.

The streets were quieter away from the market. Llew strolled along with her head up like any other respectable citizen. When she wasn’t picking pockets, she found that skulking only served to attract more attention, so it was always best to behave like an innocent. The trick was to look natural doing so.

“Llew!”

Llew turned to the distressed voice. “Kynas?”

The boy was struggling in the grip of two uniformed men. Farries! Llew instinctively stooped, stepping in by the side of a building.

“Help me, Llew! They think I killed Mr. Maddocks!”

“Well, who else?” one of the Farries said, shaking Kynas. Cursing, Llew pressed herself deeper into the shadows.

Mr. Maddocks was Kynas’ landlord. It would be stupid of the boy to put his deal at risk, but it was a natural conclusion for the lawmen to draw – and any excuse to remove another urchin from Cheer’s streets would do.

“I don’t know!” Kynas wailed, kicking his legs and trying to wriggle free of the Farry’s grasp. Realising his efforts were futile, he relaxed. And then his finger pointed to Llew. “That one. Sh – he did it!”

 

Chapter Two

The Lady Pancetelle wasn’t much of a lady in Braph’s opinion. She smelled as bad as the Ryaen docks, his ears were assaulted by foul language throughout the journey, and no-one could accuse her of being sleek: there was a definite swelling around her middle. She was a rough ride, but he could excuse her a great deal: at least she had carried him safely to Ryaen.

He scratched his beard, sweeping his eyes over the docks. Dirty, stinking and noisy, the scene offended his senses. Sea birds squawked overhead, showering departing passengers in green and white guano. With a thought and a gesture he conjured an invisible barrier around him. A woman’s gasp and complaint nearby soon let him know it hadn’t been for nothing. He rewarded her accusing look, as she dabbed herself free of the deflected droppings with a handkerchief, with a contemptuous one of his own and continued on his way.

Burly men lifted crates from the Lady and hurled passengers’ luggage to the docks. Braph had no luggage but the bag slung from his shoulder, and so departed at a brisk pace, with little regard for those in his way.

Away from the docks, Ryaen was almost pleasant. Quieter, at the very least. The fashions weren’t dissimilar to those on Phyos: tightly corseted women in brilliantly-coloured dresses, and men in suspenders and bowler hats, trying to look as though they had more important things to do than pass lewd comments on the women. Braph knew better.

He reached the Livery stable, assessing the horse flesh with an unskilled eye. Every one of the creatures was a simple brainless beast. However, if he were to make his way to Cheer under his own steam, it would leave no power to perform even the most basic magic. And there was every chance he would need far more than basic magic to take the girl back to Turhmos.

“After a horse, mister?”

“Indeed.” Braph looked the man up and down. He wore a heavy leather apron over simple brown trousers and a filthy shirt. Braph was unimpressed. “Your best.”

“Speed, stamina or temperament?”

“All of them.”

“You’ll be wanting Revera. She’s a good’un.” The man grinned. “You got money? I can’t be sending her out without a decent deposit, you understand?”

Braph nodded.

“Right y’are.” The man disappeared through a heavy side door, appearing some time later leading a saddled horse.

“That’ll be ten miras.”

“How much?”

“Ten miras. She’s a good horse.”

“Hmm.”

“Eight?”

Braph sighed and dug into his money pouch. It still seemed an exorbitant amount for horseflesh, but he wasn’t an unreasonable man. Everyone had the right to earn a living. He placed eight paper notes into the man’s hand. The fingers closed on the paper, but the reins were not handed over and instead the man studied the paper, his brows furrowed.

“What’s this?”

“Paper money. They’re Turhmos miras. Accepted everywhere on Phyos.”

“Got any real money?”

Braph sighed once more, working hard to keep his temper in check, and held out his hand to receive the notes back. When they weren’t forthcoming, he snatched them out of the man’s hand before rummaging through his pouch again and bringing out an assortment of coins. Before the man saw them, he closed his hand and opened it again displaying the eight miras – or what looked like eight miras – and sprinkled them into the outstretched palm. Braph couldn’t say how long they would maintain their appearance. He’d only ever performed the trick when he was parting with coins and had yet to keep any he had altered. Grubby fingers closed over the money, and the reins were thrust at him.

Outside in the Ryaen sunshine, Braph gathered the reins and swung himself into the saddle. The horse was shorter than he would have liked and he hoped he hadn’t been played. On the outskirts of Ryaen he jabbed his heels into her side. She took off with a turn of speed that nearly sent him over her rump and then maintained a pace that had him in Lanich by early evening.

He booked the finest room in the finest hotel in Lanich. That wasn’t saying much; this was Aghacia, after all. In Duffirk, one of Turhmos’ bigger cities, they had hotels reaching eighty feet high and contraptions to lift you all the way to the top – elevators, they called them. Lanich’s finest was a mere two stories and a rickety flight of stairs.

Braph threw his hide gloves on the bed and flexed his fingers. They, along with the rest of him, were stiff from the day of riding. He thought about treating his tired muscles but decided a simple night’s rest might ease his aches. He had a good number of crystals on him, but it was better to save them until really needed.

Propping his leather-booted foot on a chair, he unbuckled the small compartment behind his ankle to check the last crystal he’d made from Orinia’s blood. He touched the crystal, remembering their last day together. Then he refastened the buckle. That one crystal held more power than the others combined, more power than he should ever need. Unless he ran into his brother. But there was no need for Jonas to be in Aghacia, and only the smallest chance he was still looking for Braph. No, Braph was almost certain that Aris – Jonas’ captain, father-figure and creator – wouldn’t risk his little project by pursuing revenge.

A knock came at the door and Braph opened it to receive his evening meal, brought by a sullen serving girl. A place as small as this didn’t usually offer room service, but they did if you had the knack for asking in the right way. Braph had the knack; he had the knack for all sorts of things.

He placed the tray on the bed and set about peeling off the rest of his leather – the long jacket, and the triple-buckled boots, the thick leather belt with its equally heavy buckle, finally unlacing his trousers and sliding them to the floor. Then he threw himself in the chair and, chewed at a piece of tough meat while he contemplated the days ahead.

He’d met the girl’s father in Cheer about five years ago. She must have been there, too, but her father had led him astray. And if Turhmos hadn’t allowed Orinia to become so ill, forcing Braph’s return, he would have found her. If she had since moved, he had to hope there was a new trail to follow. And he hoped she was as powerful as her mother and not diminished by her father’s half-blood.

Orinia. He missed her, though it irked him to admit it. She had been everything to him during some of his most important formative years: his mother, his wife, his mistress, his best friend, the source of his power. Behind every great man … With her behind him, he had indeed been great; he had been supreme. He would be again.

His meal finished, he put the plate by the door. Then he fished in his bag for his thunderstick, one of his own inventions. As far as he knew it worked, but he was still perfecting the ammunition for it. For now he used small spherical pellets that he packed down on top of the explosive. He had been developing an all-in-one round that didn’t require packing the powder first, but he couldn’t experiment further without his workshop. The device would be needed should his magic prove insufficient to defeat his brother.

He lounged in a chair by the open window. Resting his elbow on the sill he sighted along the thunderstick’s barrel. A man in a dress coat hurried along the street completely unaware that, if he chose, Braph could put a hole in the back of his head.

“Bang,” he said, emotionless.

Braph slept well. In the dawn, after a brief period of meditation, he stretched his muscles and took to his horse once more, aiming to be in Iaves by nightfall. Another day closer to Cheer.

Chapter Three

The little

The second officer spotted her and started running. Llew shot off down the road, taking the first turn and continuing on a convoluted path through the streets of Cheer. There weren’t a great many routes to choose from and she had to cover the same ground several times. Clutching her better fitting, perfectly clean new shirts slowed her down, but she didn’t want to throw them down and leave a hint of where she had been, never mind the waste of money.

Damn Kynas! She’d never even met Mr. Maddocks, and she was sure as hell it wasn’t the old man lying on top of her that morning. She wondered if they’d found that body yet. It was likely someone had – probably a john taking a leak on the Diamond’s wall. But would they be looking for a killer?

Llew hadn’t taken the time to check, but she was certain there wouldn’t be a scratch on him. Well, nothing deadly, anyway. It was just that there was all that blood. Her blood, but they wouldn’t know that.

She headed for the seedier side of Cheer where shadows seemed deeper, drunks seemed drunker and morals were all but missing entirely. She turned down litter-strewn Prince Tanath Road and saw a gang of street kids loitering outside a half-collapsed building. These children were evidence that mining could be dangerous and prostitution had side-effects Llew preferred to avoid.

“Hi, Llew.” One of the girls looked up from a game of knuckle-bones.

“Annie.” Slowing to a walk, she tipped her head to the younger girl in the tatty dress; at the moment still young and pitiful enough to successfully beg, she would soon graduate to a place in one of Cheer’s brothels. She had never mastered the art of picking pockets. “You didn’t see me, okay?”

“Okay.” The girl shrugged.

Llew stooped through a hole in the wall to a space under the building’s floorboards. The children behind her were silent, watching. She scooted along on her belly, thankful that she didn’t have breasts to worry about. Behind her the sounds of the children’s games started up again.

Her new shirts were now filthy, and one snagged on a stray nail sticking out from a board. She threw them aside and yelped as her knuckle struck the support beam above her. Sucking at the wound, she peered through the shadows under the building. Cheer’s sun was bright and its light hindered by little since the buildings were mostly only one story. It filtered through the gaps, allowing her to see well enough.

Somewhere on the opposite side of the building she emerged into Lomirir Way. It was deserted, so she clambered out, dusted herself off, and walked briskly in the general direction she had been going before. If the Farry was still after her, there was nowhere she could disappear into permanently. She had to hope that he had enough doubt in Kynas’ accusation to give up, although she didn’t doubt that simply removing another kid from the street could be incentive enough.

She rounded a corner, walking past a man sitting on the rickety wooden steps at the back of an old store.

“Lady Llewella, are we peddling our goods today?” His voice was slurred.

“No, sir.” Head down, she carried on walking past, not looking at him. How could he have picked her for a girl, let alone known her name?

“You wouldn’t turn away a paying customer now, would you?” His feet scuffed the dusty road behind her.

Llew turned to face him, recognising one of her father’s old drinking “buddies” but continued to walk backward. “Japod, you never were a paying customer. In fact, I think you still owe Pa money.” She turned away and walked a little faster.

“Your pa ain’t been chasin’ me for it.”

Well, of course he hadn’t.

Too many people knew who she was – hair short or long, dress feminine or masculine. She’d just been a tomboyish girl when her father had been around. Only after he left did she try to become known as a boy. But all her father’s friends still recognised her. She had hoped their respect for him would be enough for them not to put pressure on his daughter to entertain them. Apparently, she was wrong.

“You’d do an old friend a favour, wouldn’t you, Llew?” The rasp of his feet over the coarse dirt grated on her ears.

Her mind raced with plans to lose him without running straight into the lawman. But Japod lunged, grabbing her legs, sending them both into the ground. Llew got a face full of gravely dirt and a bite of her own cheek, while the old man was cushioned by the backs of her legs. He scrabbled to start yanking at the waist of her trousers.

“Get off!” she yelled, coughing as she inhaled dust.

Her belt-rope was thin and it gave under the man’s determined tugs. Llew’s efforts to right herself were thwarted as her legs continued to be pulled out from under her in Japod’s efforts to unwrap his prize. Her pants slipped, exposing her long-johns. The two buttons didn’t deter him long. Japod’s dry fingers dug into her flesh. He gasped, and the skin of Llew’s cheek healed. The distraction gave her the pause she needed to swing an arm, knocking him off her. He rallied quickly and was on her again.

Japod’s long hair was greying, his chin unshaven, and his few remaining teeth yellow; his breath was a mix of the rotting remnants of his previous meals and whatever concoction he had just been drinking. He planted a wet kiss on Llew’s lips, and she clamped her mouth tight.

“Get off me!” Llew’s arms and legs worked furiously, but he was stronger than he looked.

For a fraction of a second, Llew believed he had listened to her as his body moved away. But then arms looped under her armpits, helping her to her feet. She was pulled to the side of the road and was vaguely aware of someone ramming Japod into a wall.

She pulled her pants up, watching the old man take a hammering. His assailant had long hair and was wearing a wide-brimmed hat. The man who’d lifted her, and now stood beside her, was his curly-haired companion.

Before the old man lost consciousness entirely, the dark foreigner threw his limp body to the ground and turned away. He headed straight for the cart in which they had arrived.

“You alright?” Al asked.

“Fine.” Llew cleared her throat and forced her voice deeper. “Fine.” At least at her assumed age she could brush the slip off as her voice breaking. She crossed the road to the limp old man and kicked him in the gut.

“Slimy old coot. You don’t,” – kick – “do that to your mate’s kid.” She went for one last kick, but was spun around by the young man.

“Hey, hey,” said Al. “He’s down already. He’s no threat, now.”

Llew nodded, lowering her head to show her remorse. Living on the streets, she knew there was always a point at which the fight ended, and it usually came before someone died. But Japod’s attack had scared and angered her, especially coming so soon after her encounter with Renny. She hugged herself and then, realising it might not have looked manly enough, she dropped one arm to her side, still gripping the elbow with her other hand.

Even if the lawman had given up on her for today, she was well aware that developing hips and breasts could not be covered forever. She needed to leave Cheer. And here and now, an opportunity had presented itself.

The men returned to their cart and Jonas urged the bay horse into life. It moved off at a walk. Llew walked alongside, wondering how she could get them to take her with them. Al must have caught a glimpse of her in the periphery, for he suddenly laughed, grinning over his shoulder. Jonas looked at her, turned away and urged the horse into a trot. Llew began to trot along behind, hoping he wouldn’t go to a canter. Al kept looking back at her, now and then saying something to Jonas.

Finally, Jonas reined in the horse. Llew ran into the back of the suddenly stationary cart, and took a moment to lean on it, catching her breath. Jonas jumped down off the cart and rounded on her.

“What d’you think you’re doin’?”

“Coming with you.” She fought to keep the pleading tone out of her voice.

Jonas shook his head. “No.”

“Come on, Jonas. Hear the kid out.” Al swung down from the cart and joined them.

“I ain’t no kid”. She crossed her arms, scowling at her supporter, who laughed. She narrowed her eyes further, to no effect, then returned her attention to Jonas. “You’re leaving Cheer, right? I want to leave Cheer.”

“Not our problem.”

“No. But all the same. I have a little money. Not enough to get me a ticket on a coach, but I could make myself useful, earn my passage with you.”

“Ain’t nothin’ we need from no thief.”

“I wasn’t always a thief. I used to help my pa in his smithy. I can help.” The selection of knives in Jonas’ vest caught Llew’s eye again. “I can fight.”

That got a brief laugh out of Jonas.

“I can!” She made fists, waving them in front of her just as she had many a time against boys she’d rough ’n tumbled with.

Al placed a hand over hers, pushing down.

“We could at least see what Aris has to say,” he said.

“No, Al. This ain’t no job for a criminal. No matter how good his words sound.”

A movement behind Jonas drew Llew’s attention. It was the Farry. She dived into the back of the low cart, pulling sacks and an old blanket about her.

“Get out,” said Jonas flatly.

“Please.” With the realisation that her safety was in the hands of someone who had every reason to turn her over to the law, she could think of nothing else to say. She threw everything she had into a pleading look

Jonas looked down his nose at her, then along the road at the approaching lawman. With a grunt, he flicked the blanket over her.

Llew waited to discover her fate. Maybe Jonas wasn’t an unfair man. She had deserved the fist to the gut. She didn’t deserve to hang.

The sack closest to her nose smelled of dirt and potatoes. Something else nearby smelled sweet. Apples? She inhaled and her mouth watered, remembering her earlier lost snack. She forced it from her mind. For now, she could do nothing but be still.

“What happened here?”

“Old drunk walked in front of us. Spooked our horse,” said Jonas.

“Yeah. He just stumbled out of nowhere,” said Al.

“You two ain’t from around here.”

“No, sir. Over from Phyos,” said Al.

“What for?”

“Just helpin’ a friend,” said Jonas.

“Where you staying?”

“Postmaster Muor’s house.”

“Nice place.” The lawman sounded impressed.

“Sure is.”

“He’s a good man,” said the officer. Another pause, as though he were waiting for the boys to confirm. “Well, maybe the old drunk’ll learn for next time, huh?” The officer laughed, inviting the two young men to join him. They didn’t. “You wouldn’t happen to have seen a young lad about so tall, white shirt, grubby, would you?”

“Just that old boy,” said Al.

“If we see him, we’ll be sure to let you know,” said Jonas. “What did he do?”

“He’s wanted for questioning about a murder.”

“Murder?”

“Yeah. We have an eye witness saw him do it.”

Silence from Jonas and Al. Llew tensed. This was it. They were going to give her up. She’d swing from a rope by the end of the week. Or worse. There was always worse. Llew just didn’t have the imagination to fill in the blanks.

“All right.” A hand slapped the side of the cart. “You boys stay out of trouble, okay?”

The distant sound of children playing reached Llew’s ears. A bird fluttered overhead. What would they do? They hadn’t revealed her, so far. That was something to cling to.

The blanket was pulled back.

“Get out,” said Jonas.

“I didn’t do it. You have to believe me,” she pleaded with him, making no effort to keep her voice deep.

“I don’t gotta do nothin’.” He looked at her with his stony expression. “Out.”

She turned to Al. “I’m innocent.”

Al raised an eyebrow.

“Well, maybe not entirely innocent. But I didn’t kill anyone. On my mother’s honour.” They still looked unconvinced. “She was a good woman!”

Jonas grabbed the triceps of her arm closest to him, half lifting, half pushing her from the cart. Llew made herself as heavy as possible and dug in her heels, but it made little difference.

“You’re heading for the Postmaster’s, right?”

“So?”

“Well, if I’m going to leave Cheer, then I need to start at the Postmaster’s anyway. Maybe he’ll let me earn my ticket. At least take me that far.”

“You’re a thief and we ain’t got time to decide whether or not you’re a murderer. You can walk.”

She knew he wasn’t going to change his mind. Still, it didn’t mean she had to take his attitude. He turned his back on her and returned to his seat at the front of the cart.

“Sorry,” said Al, coming to the same conclusion. “Good luck.” He returned to his seat at the front of the cart and Jonas flicked the horse back into life, then with another flick calling up a trot.

Llew stood for a time, watching her brighter future disappear into the distance. “Fuck.”

“I knew I seen you come this way.”

She turned to the voice, then darted away, the law hot on her heals once more. Unfortunately, this time there were two of them, and one was young, tall, and fit. He had her on her belly in less than a minute.

“I knew we’d get yer.” The older officer knelt in front of her while the younger pulled her hands behind her and cuffed them. “No point running from the law, ya scoundrel. We always get our man.”

The younger officer wrenched her to her feet, one arm over her shoulder, cupping the opposite armpit. His hand slipped and he took an experimental squeeze.

“Or woman.” He tugged at her shirt, pulling several buttons free. “As the case may be.”

Llew felt the dry Cheer air on her exposed breast.

“Well, course she is,” the older officer said as though he’d known all along, eyeing her appreciatively and firing up goosebumps all over Llew’s skin. “A female hangin’ … that’ll draw a crowd.”

    48 comments

  1. SonyaLano
    SonyaLano said:

    I really, really love this – just flew through all five chapters in one go even though I really should be sleeping. I just dropped in to jottify for a few minutes but because of this it turned into a couple hours because this is exactly the type of book I would pick up in a bookstore and just fall in love with the characters. I love the repartee, the characters are excellently drawn, the action well described and you have a deft hand with flowing writing; it’s very easy to read and I found it quite absorbing, although I do I have to admit that I was a bit overzealous in my devouring of it and in the beginning kept jumping further to see what happened next (I guess I’m too impatient, though once it’s published I’m definitely getting myself a hard copy that I can curl up with in bed and read at leisure :-) ). I would definitely like to see more of this!

    1 year ago
    • Soulhaven
      Soulhaven said:

      Wow! Thank you. This is the kind of comment that helps me keep writing it! I have been working on it for a few years now, and it has gone through a few versions changes, but it looks like this version is working out about right! So, fingers crossed I can get a decent complete draft out of it in the coming months.
      Thank you again. Self soubt keeps be striving to be better, but it also keep progress slow. A little pat on the back helps me fly.

      1 year ago
      • SonyaLano
        SonyaLano said:

        Don’t you dare stop writing it :-) Keep the chapters (rewrite / new draft) coming!

        1 year ago
        • Soulhaven
          Soulhaven said:

          [military salute] Yes’m

          1 year ago
          • SonyaLano
            SonyaLano said:

            LOOOL! Well, then… at ease, soldier (but not for too long ;-) ).

            1 year ago
  2. SonyaLano
    SonyaLano said:

    Great continuation – it reads like a published novel, flawlessly. I could repeat everything from my first comment for these chapters – great characterization, it flows perfectly, gripping narrative, intriguing plots and subplots… But how could you be so cruel as to leave such a cliffhanger…!?

    1 year ago
    • Soulhaven
      Soulhaven said:

      Tee hee hee . . . because I is eeevil!
      No, seriously, It’s because I have only complete one more chapter, so far, and I’d like to write one or two more before doing a final review and posting it up. Never fear, it shouldn’t take too long (as mentioned, I have written this in various version before, so there is a lot of copying and pasting I can do). Plus, a keen reader is all the motivation I need to get more out of my writing sessions.

      1 year ago
      • SonyaLano
        SonyaLano said:

        There seem to be a lot of evil authors running around here leaving cliffhangers all over the place. What is our world coming to? Good things writers don’t run it, all the laws would have open endings just so people would want to keep reading them!
        So you have how many chapters total? Is it only partially finished? Or is the entire novel finished but you’re now doing another rewrite of it?

        1 year ago
        • Soulhaven
          Soulhaven said:

          OK – I haven’t actually written one complete version, yet. I have had as much as, probably 3/4 of one version written, but it missed a lot of detail. In fact, I’ve written as far as one of my final scenes, but, yeh, there was a lot missing before that. I have a detailed outline that I’m working through at the moment, taking the best bits from various versions (On the whole, I prefer my original plan, but I went off on a tangeant as I tried to explain a lot of the events to myself … now I am re-instating the old, with the explanations learned from the newer stuff). So, I can copy and paste a lot, but there is a lot that needs fully re-writing (because I have learned so much since I first started).
          PS: I promise to give your stuff a read, too. My reading time is fairly limited as I have a toddler (so I also only get 2hrs a day writing time) and I have a long to-read list, but I will get there.

          1 year ago
          • SonyaLano
            SonyaLano said:

            Yes, from what I’ve seen and heard, toddlers can be a major handful! And reading lists (at least in my case) are almost always impossible to get through because there are just so many works that I want to follow :-) If you do get around to reading something of mine though (and because I have quite a bit of stuff up that can be a chore to plod through and choose from), I would be most interested to see your opinion on this one: http://jottify.com/works/stopping-the-alliance/ (and of course if you don’t like it I def. don’t expect you to read all of it :-) )
            That sounds pretty awesome that you’re using the best scenes from all your different versions, but even that’s hard work, going through them, comparing them, choosing the best scenes, etc. I take it you’re a bungee jumper writer (I am definitely one): you start with a scene and just jump right in without quite knowing the whole story?

            1 year ago
  3. Soulhaven
    Soulhaven said:

    From your bio, you and I write with the same purpose – to entertain – so, I imagine I will like your stuff (plus, you’ve already got a ton of good feedback from what I could see). I will fit you in. I’m just going through a phase of reading actually published stuff at the mo – a few months ago, all I was reading was unpublished, and I felt I needed the change!

    I started off as a bungee jumper, or pantser (writing from the seat of your pants). That was because I was writing purely to entertain myself. But, I shared a little of what I had written and got good feedback, and suddenly I thougt “I can do this”, and set about learning about novel-writing. I think for my next project I would do a bit more planning right from the start. There is certainly room for pantsing, because that it where a lot of the really creative stuff comes from, but I feel good about having a plan. I do have a pretty solid plan for this story. I had a bit of an idea right from the start, but the key was nailing down details about my antagonist. He has come a long way from when I first began this whole thing (For one thing, he didn’t exist to start with! Getting to know him has been a lot of fun – although, Jonas might disagree with me).

    1 year ago
    • SonyaLano
      SonyaLano said:

      Love the new chapter – the dialogue, the romance, the action, the internal debate / struggle, you pack a lot in, which makes it an eminently enjoyable read :-) I thought it was great the way Jonas helped her heal when she didn’t seem to be able to get enough life force. And I also liked Braph’s regret that he had to take someone else away from his brother (and I’m wondering why he had to take Jonas’ wife and child). So Llew and her mother are Syaenuks – something more than Aenuks because they can heal even from death…? (the term I got from Toes Across the Floor) btw I think the notion of healing by taking the life force from things around them is a wonderful concept even though it is kind of creepy! Where did the idea come from?
      I did find one possible typo (if you don’t mind me pointing it out – if so let me know and I won’t in the future): I’ll kill him before draws breath for the snide – do you mean: I’ll kill him before *he* draws breath for the snide ? Or is this just the way Jonas talks?
      I can totally understand the change from unpublished to published; I have tons of published books on my bookshelves just waiting to be read…
      Planning is definitely good – I need to try it sometime ;-)

      1 year ago
      • Soulhaven
        Soulhaven said:

        I do pack a lot in, which is what makes writing this thing well so hard – hence the several attempts. Sometimes so many issues come up in one scene I can’t deal with them properly, so I’ve had to play around with teasing them apart.
        As for Llew’s power … I can’t remember where that idea came from. I developed a character with the same power when I was at high school (but, of course, he was a sexy teenage boy). When I first started writing this no one had any magic, it was JUST about the romance, really. Then I gave Llew power, and eventually Jonas, too. Although, Braph’s was the most fun (that’s still to be shown). I must admit, I have considered tweaking Llew’s power many times to make it easier to write about, but then the challenges that make it hard to write are exactly what make it so challenging for Llew to live with, so I’m keeping all the nasty side-effects. It just means that this will liekly go into a trilogy in order to explore everything. I have ideas for a second book, already. Need to ponder how to go further, though.
        Thanks for the typo, I’ll sort that.
        I love reading developing story ideas – it’s really exciting to see what others are working on out there, but it is also good to check out what publishers have actually published (not to say that the developing stuff isn’t good enough, or that only the stuff that publishers agree to publish is any good, but you’ve got to keep yourself informed). I’m still on the fence as far as whether I’ll self-publish or try for traditional. I’ll probably self-pub an eBook, and then see if I can find a print publisher and, if I can’t just self-pub (after lots of constructive feedback, of course).
        And planning? As I said, I started out not planning. The planning came later when I had most of the story down, anyway. So, it’s just been a matter of massaging it to fit a “proven formula” as far as structure goes – as I’ve read informative blogs over the years I have learned about upping the stakes, 3-Act Structure, beginnings, middles and ends, etc. Hasn’t changed the essesnce of the story, just made it better.

        1 year ago
  4. SonyaLano
    SonyaLano said:

    Wow, you really did up the stakes in Chapter Ten, didn’t you! She killed a little girl – that is a really devastating thing to find out, for both Jonas and Llewella! I really loved the line “But it will find you. I’m sorry.” even though it made me want to cry “Noooo!” although you’ve written the characters so well that I understand wholly why it’s the only thing he CAN say, must say, maybe even has to believe and one day do (makes for some good tension). I also thought Llewella’s reaction to his “But all I could see was you” was well-handled. It’s something that would bring her joy even though it CAN’T bring her joy when he says it because of the horrible consequences that it caused. I’m loving the tension even though it’s making my stomach constrict and making me bite my fingernails (once while reading my friend’s story I was so upset that I accidentally broke a glass of water and had to go to the emergency room for stitches (er… one stitch *hangs head in shame at so pathetically small a wound*) – so, lesson learned, I have no glasses or anything breakable nearby me when I’m reading yours!) Anyway, I’ve digressed. I’ve only talked about Chapter Ten but I read Chapter Nine, as well, and not to neglect it I loved the fact that she saved Cassidy’s life. One thing I’m not certain of though is I can understand Llewella not knowing she can heal others as well as herself, but do Aris and Jonas know Aenuks can heal others as well as themselves? Because in Chapter 9 everyone seemed surprised but in Chapter Ten Aris definitely wasn’t (at least he didn’t seem to be) when he found out Llew had healed Cassidy. So I wasn’t exactly clear on that (that is, what Aenuks can and cannot do and what others know of their capabilities), but then again I might have missed something because I just roar through your chapters devouring every sentence and it’s possible something didn’t get digested. (I’m not liking that I’m sounding like a predator here but I can’t think of any better way to express myself! This is what lack of sleep does to the unaware… or whatever!)
    Okay, in chapter nine I liked the fight and I especially liked the way she forgot her hat; it was such a small detail and even though it seems a trivial one, I though it added a geniuneness to the story (and I’m pretty sure genuineness ISN’T a word but I’m frankly too lazy to think up the proper one here so please forgive me; I will endeavor to improve next time!)
    So, now that I’ve digressed and subjected you to countless tangents, I did notice a few (possible) typos in Chapter Nine:
    - the devastation left my Llew – I think you mean: the devastation left *by* Llew
    - the scull of the leader – I’m pretty sure you mean skull
    - under her heals – should be heels (and after this you use “vegetation” twice in two sentences and it distracted me so maybe if possible replace one of these with a synonym?)
    So. There you go. And now I can’t think of any more tangents to go traipsing around on and I don’t want to gush too much (so that I still have gushing room for following chapters, you understand), so I suppose this is the end of this comment (did I hear a sigh of relief ? :-) ) and I’m looking forward to the next installment (If I’m not mistaken I think I saw on Twitter that you wrote almost 3,500 more words a couple days ago? I don’t check twitter every day, but when I do, I do try to catch up on my stalking! :-) )

    12 months ago
    • Soulhaven
      Soulhaven said:

      As you can see, you’re still my only like, so I really appreciate your comments. Thanks for pointing out the typos. Just goes to show, it takes many, many read-overs to catch them all.
      I love your story about breaking the glass. It’s terrible that you hurt yourself, but wonderful that you were so engrossed in your friend’s story. That’s awesome. And I’m really pleased that you feel the same things reading as I feel when I write these scenes.
      As for the confusion between chapters, thanks for that, it’s something I will have to clarify. Thing is, Jonas in his mere 22 years has faced many Aenuks, but has never had to contemplate the existence of Syaenuks. But, Aris has done his research, so he knows about them. He hasn’t dealt with one in reality, though, so he still has lots to learn. But, yes, Aris does know that Aenuks can heal others – it’s one way in which Turhmos uses them. But, Aenuks can’t heal a wound like Cassidy’s on their own – which is what makes Llew special. I mean, because she came back from the dead, she’s already marked as special, but Aris didn’t think to extend that ideas to healing others until he sees that done, too. I’ll try to clarify Aris’ thought process there.
      Yes, I Have been writing (and copying/pasting) up a storm. I will need to go back and do a read through beforee posting, though – try to cut down on the typos and inconsistencies. But, this is still a draft … a second/third draft, but still a draft. I’m accepting a few imperfections.
      I love your style of rambling – lets me know I’m not the only one! I thought my previous comment was long, but your trumped me good and proper. Properly … (o: I love it.
      I’ll work on tidying up the next bit soon. Having a ball moving forward, though.

      12 months ago
  5. SonyaLano
    SonyaLano said:

    Chapter 11: I’m still loving it! The drunken behavior, the blurting out whatever came to his mind, so like someone in the blissful carelessness of intoxication…and the next morning when he got up, the “oh, no, what did I say? Don’t believe it” and the dialogue all the way through the chapters is wonderfully entertaining and genuine; I can hear them while they’re speaking. The repartee and the conversation between the two protagonists is perfect, the romance, the apprehension, the feeling that it’s all building up slowly (ok, so not always slowly!) but surely to a culmination… I loved the scene between Llewella and Jonas when they were on watch, very well done, and Aris: “You and him, will…not…happen”. Made me want to stick my tongue out at him – how dare he wag his finger at them as if they were two recalcitrant children? :-) Got some righteous indignation going from this reader at that point! I esp. liked this: “…Even one as-” Awesome as. “-like you.” I also liked the description of Jonas running his hand along his unshaven face; I’ve never quite thought of it before but you can be sure the next time I hear a man do that I’m going to be fascinated and repulsed at the same time loool! Excellent description (and I mean all the descriptions, not just that one, though that one particularly struck me).
    I’m also now shooting forward to thinking of conspiracies and possible further enemies and friends and I’m even wondering if Anya’s husband to be is going to have something to do with the tale :-) Or if the fact that she hasn’t seen him yet is going to have some kind of repercussions. I can tell you I’d definitely want to see my husband before I agreed to marry him! Guess I’m shallow ;-)
    Will also be interesting to see how the Alvaro thing pans out… that is, ends up, because jealous men can be unpredictable. Well, men in general can be unpredictable (probably because they’re so predictable and you say they can’t be that predictable) but jealous men are particularly unpredictable… I’m making myself dizzy here. Forgive me if I’ve just written utter and complete nonsense! I should probably be sleeping but still have to get some work done and am now procrastinating by doing something enjoyable to work up some reserves for the job ahead…sorry, rambling again (possibly part of the procrastination syndrome)!
    I don’t recall anything that confused me, read wrong or that might be a possible plothole (yes, I keep an eye out for those, too, because I’d like to know of them in my own works ;-) ); all I can do (as you can see) is admire the writing and the story and the characters
    Okay, yeah, so, back to your comment / my comment I can totally understand the typos dilemma: I still catch ‘em in my stuff after reading over them at least four or five times! Slippery little suckers.
    Speaking of…:
    - And you’re poor lieutenant – Do you mean: And you’re *a* poor lieutenant ?
    - Hey Llew. – missing vocative comma :-P
    I’m glad to hear you’re still writing and copying/ pasting up a storm and having a ball while doing it :-) Keep ‘em coming!

    12 months ago
    • Soulhaven
      Soulhaven said:

      Heh, I’m still trying to thank you for the plug. But, I love your comments, too. It makes me happy that I could help you ease into your work – I hope you managed to get some done, though!
      And thanks for those couple of typos, too … see, that “poor lieutenant” line has been around for a while, and I *still* missed that. Duh!
      Glad things seemed to read well. I quite like that chapter, so hopefully won’t have to change much for the *final* final draft. I’m having a bit of fun with Llew and Jonas’ relationship. I’ve actually been struggling to keep them apart, even though the story requires it (well, does it require it? manybe not, but my sense of enjoyment does … it can’t be too easy for them). But, they just keep wanting to get together. I put it down to them both being young and sometimes impulsive. Fact is, even though Llew hasn’t had great experience with men, she’s young enough to still be tempted to risk her heart with Jonas. And he’s struggling because he doesn’t want her to get hurt. But, why doesn’t he want her to get hurt? Because he cares about her. But, he’s got it set in his mind that caring for people gets them killed. So, when he says hurtful things, that’s as much him trying to put her off as it is him trying to make himself believe those things. He’s been letting his guard down, though, especially with Alvaro nipping at his heels.
      Anyway, now I am rambling. I really hope all that stuff is coming through in the writing. It’s the sort of stuff I think, but I want to *show* it rather than *tell* it … but I have to keep telling it to myself so I don’t forget all the motivations going on.
      As far as future enemies go, I haven’t really brought the country Turhmos in all that much, yet. I have considered bringing them in earlier, but it does complicate things, and they will play enough of a roll later, especially in future books. Aris is the other one to watch … He’s not a bad man, but he gets a bit carried away with the big picture to notice the people being affected in the process. I’m going to have a little bit of fun teasing out that piece of information. Anyway, before I go giving too much away, I shall go and do some actual writing.

      12 months ago
  6. RCCampbell
    RCCampbell said:

    This is really great! Me gusta :)
    Rachel

    12 months ago
    • Soulhaven
      Soulhaven said:

      Thank you, Rachel. Actually, I think you ‘liked’ my oringal post of this (I got cold feet about sharing it for a little while). Your support is appreciated.

      12 months ago
  7. Jame5.King
    Jame5.King said:

    One chapter in and my main question is… why only two likes? Let me add one. This is just a great character and really concise writing. I am finding myself envyous of your writing style from time to time. You seem to be at the same stages with your story that I am with mine. I just happen to be on an unpublished trip right now and this is right up my alley. One typo I think. When she was washing herself in the stream there was a mispelled “feeling”. Just thought I would throw my coins in. I’m sure you will hear more from me as I read on.

    12 months ago
    • Soulhaven
      Soulhaven said:

      Soulhaven said:

      Thanks for the comment and the ‘like’, James. That first chapter has been through quite a few run throughs as I’ve written and re-written the rest of it. I will apologize now for the likely greater number of typos and lack of craft that will come further in (o: But, I have decided to make my current priority ‘getting it finished’, which is going quite well, and the re-writes and crafting will come later.
      Is the story you mentioned your “Alterverse” one? I’ll have to have a look when I give myself a break from writing or procrastinating. My plan is to get this thing finished and then take a break and do some writing before going back through it for editing, style, etc. Of course, I already have ideas for the next book, so the trick will be *not* jumping straight into that one without a break.

      12 months ago
  8. Jame5.King
    Jame5.King said:

    I do not judge typos. You should see my drafts. Sometimes I just feel silly.

    Alterverse is one of my side projects that I may or may not ever finish. I really hope I do.
    But the -Treatise of Sovereignty- is my soul project right now. I am working on it with a friend and we are more than excited to see how it turns out. I have posted a piece of it called South River Intro. I plan on releasing the first few chapters very soon, so you can get a real glimpse of this world. We keep getting caught up in the second book. And I get distracted by Alterverse and family life, But we’ll get there. Thanks for the inky!

    12 months ago
    • Soulhaven
      Soulhaven said:

      Wow. I really admire people who can work on more than one writing project at a time. Not that I haven’t done the occasional short story since starting this novel, but they have to come easy. I tried one earlier in the year that required research and it died a slow and horrible death at about 600 words in.
      I guess if I had more than 1.5-2hrs a day to write/read/email/blog then I might get more done … perhaps later in the year when my son is old enough to attend a little more kindy.
      That’s cool that’s you’re collaborating, too. I think I’d like to do that one day. You would have to find a special person who you “click” with though.
      I think we all feel silly sometimes. There are some passages I’m reading as I bring original draft stuff through to this version and it truly makes me cringe. Of course, some of it I know I need to fix, but don’t know quite how to, yet … so, I’m letting it slide as a space-holder, until I can print the whole thing out and go through it the old-fashioned way and really spruce it up. I think I may be one of the few writers who loves editing. I love taking my rambles and shaping them into something … I’ve lost the word … well, something, anyway.

      12 months ago
  9. Jame5.King
    Jame5.King said:

    yeah my best work happens during editing. I have all the facts and I can work with them all at once. My work gets twice as big when I just go through to fix typos. And yes, colaboration takes the right people. Lucky for me, Joe accepts that this is my story and he is working on it with me. so all decisions are mine and all editing is mine. otherwise I would probably never be able to do it. I’m a control freak. Someday we will switch roles and work on one of his stories. Have fun. I am making time for a chapter a day on Weapons of War. It is much fun. it has such a realistic feal for a fantasy novel. And I just love a setting that is a mix of a young technology era and magical too. well, back to reading.

    12 months ago
  10. SonyaLano
    SonyaLano said:

    I’m still reading and still enjoying! I’m in Slovakia at the moment though and am on a borrowed computer and it’s running on battery power so I’m not online for very long. I did, however, get Chapter 12 read! I love the action in it, and one of my favorite scenes was where the knife that nearly killed Anya was the one Jonas had given to Llewella! The only note I would have is that the parts about Llew justifying why she could relax seemed forced; if I were her, I wouldn’t relax for a single moment, considering they don’t know what Braph is capable of and they can’t see him and he may even be inside the very room they’re sleeping in but they wouldn’t know – that in itself is creepy enough to make someone nervous when lying down at night :-) Thinking of an invisible foe standing by your bed watching you, and if he’s doing that then how easy would it be for him just to take the knife himself and stab Anya? Then Llew would wake up and not even have the chance to stop him because the knife would have struck even before she saw the attacker. And now that I’ve written that – why can’t Braph be the one to attack Anya? Why does he have to control someone else? Maybe you explain this later though, or maybe I missed an earlier explanation :-) In any case back to her letting her guard down: even if you had her on her guard and sleeping badly, she would still have to fall into an exhausted sleep sometime which means the same events could still happen even without her being relaxed. I don’t know if I’m being clear at all! It’s just that her relaxing seems out of character for a girl who was always on her guard on the streets, and that was at a time when she didn’t have an enemy focused solely on her… Anyway, you can take it or leave it; it’s just my impression and other readers might not even notice :-)
    A few possible typos:
    - soldier’s might think to investigate – I’m pretty sure this should be “soldiers”
    - seeping through is shirt again – you probably mean “his” instead of is
    - a tight-nit group – I think it should be “tight-knit”
    I’m totally looking forward to Chapter 14 based on your little teaser “The one you’ve all been waiting for, girls!” :-) When did you put up chapters 12 and 13? I somehow didn’t notice!

    12 months ago
    • Soulhaven
      Soulhaven said:

      That’s a very valid point about the relaxing … I’ll look into changing that. I think I was just in the “let’s move forward” phase of writing. I plan to go back and work on adding better internal thoughts, etc in the next read-through, too. But, this is nice being able to put this draft up here and get feedback regarding my overall story structure. Thanks for catching the typos, too. That’s always helpful. I always seem to be picking more up each time I read through a section!
      Um, I got chapters 12 & 13 up about a week ago(?). They were a lot of copying/pasting and small edits to bring in line with the latest draft. I expect the next few chapters to go a bit slower as they will be mostly full re-writes. So, I guess I had better go and knuckle down!

      12 months ago
  11. Great! Very well written with interesting characters! Makes me want to keep going on but sleep is getting the better of me and it’s getting late.
    Will return tomorrow for the other chapters.

    Keep up the good work! :D

    12 months ago
    • Soulhaven
      Soulhaven said:

      Thanks, Raye. I try!

      12 months ago
  12. SonyaLano
    SonyaLano said:

    I’m just here real quick – hopefully I’ll give some quality time to Jottify tomorrow and am looking forward to being able to relax and read chaps 13 to 15, but I just noticed your note about chapter fifteen and the ‘woah, you didn’t expect to have it finished this fast’ – is Chapter 15 the last one????
    Also the FYI: Contains some swearing and will, eventually, have a sex scene (gasp!) – that’s hilarious :-)

    12 months ago
    • Soulhaven
      Soulhaven said:

      Nope … Chapter 15 is not the last. It’s a little past halfway (57% by my estimate) … heaps to go, yet. In fact, in some ways, we’re just getting started! That note was strictly in reference to Chapter 15. It surprised me when I typed a line that made me think “That feels like a last line of a chapter” and then I checked the word count and thought “Yep, that can be the last line of the chapter” … I just hadn’t realized I’d written as much as I had.
      Thanks for the plug on Autonomy, too. Much appreciated.
      I like the snippets I’ve managed to see of your work when I’ve had a few spare moments. I just need to work on finding a decent chunk of time to sit down to have a go at one of your novel efforts. I have “Uneasy Alliance” bookmarked (twice, in fact).

      12 months ago
  13. SonyaLano
    SonyaLano said:

    Chapter 13
    The descriptions of how everyone was dressed up were perfect imo :-) I thought the way Llew analyzed the lack of pickpockets on the streets and why that was, was a great touch! I loved the way you handled the scene between Anya and Llew as they were picking out a dress for Llew, and I also liked the way you had Llew steal Jonas’ knife.
    Laugh out loud moments:
    - picturing Lord Tovias in the throes of passion – ew! Why did Llew have to think it, too? – LOOOOOOL, loved this sentence :-)
    - I also loved the way she excused herself from Hisham: Caught my skirt on a nail. Big hole. Very embarrassing. Must get ready for tonight’s dance. – another giggle out loud moment ;-)
    What caused me some confusion:
    - Your first description of Gaemil gave me a different impression of him than you seem to have in mind for him, and I think this is because of the following: You say that he’s ten years Llew’s senior – that’s only 26, isn’t it? Isn’t that a bit young for a man to be going bald? I know it happens, but it’s not the first way I would imagine a young man in his 20′s who has “dark curly hair”. Also you mention that he has “a slight belly” so I just imagined him with a small belly but definitely not with one I would call ‘portly’, although later Llew calls him portly and balding.
    Grammar notes :-)
    - to latch his gray suit – you probably mean: to *match* his gray suit
    - Who’s job? – *Whose* job?

    Chapter 14
    I thought it was hilarious they way Hisham cleared his throat and Jonas kicked the door closed in his face :-) Aaah, the sex scene, girls like, girls like ;-) – very cute the way they were laughing at the end!
    I also loved the scene between Jonas and Llew at the ball and the way she zapped him when he kissed her (because her feet were hurting :-) What a nifty, convenient way to relieve your pain after a night of dancing!)
    I really liked the “shared her womanly wiles with him” – great last sentence; it left me with a smile ;-)
    What caused me some confusion:
    You say that Anya takes Llew out into the garden, then as they’re talking to Braph they’re on a balcony, then Jonas drags her down “one side of the double staircase to the lawn below”, and I imagine all three of these things to be completely different. So maybe describe the setting more clearly.
    Grammar notes…again:
    - she accepted his complement – should be “compliment”
    - as she was lead away – should be “led”
    - Hello ladies. – missing vocative comma :-)
    - her head to clear and – missing “it”: her head to clear *it* and

    Chapter 15
    Oooh, this is a great situation! I mean, not great for the characters but a great one for readers because we’re all wondering (okay, so at least I’m wondering; no idea what others are wondering!) how it’s going to unfold from now!
    I thought the scenes between Llewella and Jonas and the fight scene between Jonas and Alvaro were excellently written (not that everything else isn’t excellently written as well – you’re a wonderfully consistent excellent writer imeo, but I particularly enjoyed these scenes :-) ) And I also liked the way Llewella healed herself from Alvaro for the punch he gave her – hey, it’s a new form of poetic justice! And the way Jonas woke up with Llewella’s hangover – that was just priceless :-D I also liked the way he kissed her fingers and was affectionate but at the same time made no promises. And the scene with Aris and them was done well. The fight between Braph and Llew, too – Oof! I’d better stop or I’ll be recounting the entire chapter scene by scene! In other words, I loved every single scene in this chapter! :-) I can see the characters, hear their voices, understand their conflicts and I absolutely love watching their interaction…and I want more, more… at risk of sounding like a drug addict lool!
    So now I’ll try to be helpful :-) and note the parts that confused me:
    - I really like the sentence about Hisham’s disgust at Llew being Aenuk, but the sentences after that then sound like they’re his thoughts and not Jonas’ (and I’m pretty sure they’re supposed to be Jonas’ because the scene is from his point of view), so I’d suggest putting the rest of that paragraph in its own para: starting with the sentence “So, Aris had called in backup, but he hadn’t told…”
    - I wasn’t quite sure why Llew hid Jonas’ knife behind her back as if she wanted to keep it herself then suddenly thrust it to Braph – why did she change her mind? Or when she “pushed” it at him was she trying to stab him? Or did she throw it? (because you then say he caught it) I just had trouble imagining what you were trying to describe here.
    - “Jonas had finally been honest with himself, and in doing so he’d condemned Llew” – What was he honest to himself about and how did this condemn Llew? I tried to figure out what this was, but sometimes I guess I can just be obtuse and miss subtle things because nothing occurred to me, at least nothing that made sense to me :-(
    One grammar note :-)
    - She push herself up – She *pushed* herself up

    So there are my notes! If the one for Chapter 15 sounds more enthusiastic than the others that’s because I read it just now, but the other two I read a couple days ago and had to go back through them now to remember what I wanted to say, what I liked, etc. :-) All in all I’m still sooooo loving this and hoping you are loving writing it! Hopefully something in my comments will be helpful! Happy writing for now!

    12 months ago
  14. Soulhaven
    Soulhaven said:

    Wow. That is an epic comment. I really appreciate the time you have taken here. You deserve a huge acknowledgement when I finally get this thing polished to print-worthiness. Actually, probably more than that, but I’m not going to make promises I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to keep.

    Thanks for the suggestions. It’s good to get an outside eye looking at these things, because I know what is going on and it’s tricky writing it for everyone else to understand. I don’t like to thrash my readers over the head with the points i’m trying to make, but it can be tough to strike the balance. I don’t like doing huge amounts of description, either, preferring to let that come as an organic part of the story. But, it does mean that I can fail miserably – as with the staircase-lined balcony. I think I will have to describe that earlier on. And, for Lord Tovias … yeah, he’s not a well-developed character, yet, so I haven’t got him fixed in my mind. I had a picture, and then I wanted to change it, so I’m just trying to get past my ingrained image of him (sort of Prince Humperdink from The Princess Bride). I am going to save your comments for when I do my next re-write. At the moment, I am trying to keep the forward momentum, so changes won’t be made immediately. My goal is to see this draft through to completion.

    I’m pleased you particularly liked so many bits. Especially some of the romantic bits (finger kissing, for example). I don’t want to be heavy-handed, but sometimes my characters want to do what they want to do. Fact is, they like each other. For Jonas, that scares him. Everyone he’s loved (parents/wife) has ended up dead. He doesn’t want to lose anyone again, so he does fear loving again. But, you can’t choose these things. Of course, he goes all out and allows himself to act on that feeling and then Llew gets taken … gah! Poor boy. I may just need to briefly reiterate that at that point. It’s been a few chapters.

    Ooooooh. It’s snowing here. I can’t stop looking out the window.

    I am enjoying writing it – but I still have massive self-doubts. You know how it is … I have this idea of how it should be, but I just don’t see me getting there, yet. I hope to be capable of shaping it into what I want. I think by the success of my well editted first chapters I can convince myself I can do it. I will get there. These later chapters will be less polished. They are either substantially different from their first draft counterparts, or are completely new.

    And there’s still so much backstory to come out! So hard deciding how to trickle that throughout. I hate info-dumps. Even “hidden” in dialogue. If it’s a dump, it’s not hidden at all.

    The fact that you are still enjoying it is a wonderful sign. It gives me hope that with a couple more edits, I will have something that other people will also enjoy reading. Yes, when I first started writing this tale, I was writing it for myself – I wanted to write a story that I would like to read. And that’s still my main goal. But, I’m so enjoying learning the art of writing well that I have now challenged myself to shape it for wider publication (be that indie or traditional, we shall see). Crafting a good overall story is part of that. And then there are the details … luckily I enjoy editting and turning my initial thoughts into something approaching “art”.

    Anyway, if nothing else, it has been lovely to meet you, and I still look forward to reading your work. My plan at the moment is to finish reading The Night Angel Trilogy (I’m on the last book!) and then I will start on yours as my bedtime reading. I don’t know if I will be able to give as awesome comments to you, but if anything is glaring, I’ll let you know.

    12 months ago
    • SonyaLano
      SonyaLano said:

      Yeah, I seem to make epic comments when I finally get round to writing them; that’s probably why it takes me so long to get something read and commented on ;-)
      Don’t worry about making any promises, really, I’m just glad if I’m helping any!
      I’m not big on description either :-) I’m esp. bad with describing setting although sometimes I even forget what my characters look like! In some of my stories I actually have a little legend in the beginning where I decribe my characters’ defining attributes.
      Prince Humperdink? Well, he wasn’t balding or portly! In fact, he had that teased up hair loool!
      yeah, keep going forward; rewriting way slows down the pace and writing momentum. I try to comment to help you, not myself, so if and when you use my comments is totally up to you ;-)
      I like practically everything I’ve read so far – no, that’s a lie, I like everything, no ‘practically’ about it! I can’t think of anything I didn’t like… I just love everything about it: the characters, the way you write, the plot… esp. the romance but hey, that’s me, another hopeless romantic!
      ‘he goes all out and allows himself to act on that feeling and then Llew gets taken’ – by this are you referring to Jonas’ feeling that anyone dares to love gets killed? If that’s what you mean then you don’t have to reiterate it, just switch honest for something else, so instead of “Jonas had finally been honest with himself, and in doing so he’d condemned Llew” just say something like Jonas had finally let himself feel, and in doing so he’d condemned Llew, or sth like he’d admitted his feelings to himself / given his feelings free rein…was honest with his feelings? I’m sure you’ll find the right phrasing, even if you settle with your original ‘honest with himself’ ;-)
      Where in the world are you that it’s SNOWING? It’s June! Or are you in the Southern Hemisphere? Or in the mountains somewhere? :-)
      Don’t have self-doubts; your writing is fantastic and the story is gripping and I’m sure you’ll haggle out rebellious characters and disobedient plots and uncontrollable scenes :-)
      I could tell that these later chapters are less polished, but they are still excellently written.
      I know about not bogging a novel down with too much backstory :-) Although generally I don’t know my backstory until the characters find out about it… so that kind of forces me to trickle it…mostly. In a couple of my stories the background / backstory came out in the first chapter. Yeah, info-dumps, I try to avoid them too or at least make them interesting.
      what is ‘indie’? I should probably look it up but I’m too lazy :-)
      “then I will start on yours as my bedtime reading” – I hope my story doesn’t give you nightmares :-D Just kidding! But remember, if you don’t like it, I really don’t mind if you only read the 1st chapter. I find it hard to force myself to read something I don’t enjoy, so I’d rather others don’t do it, either, just ’cause they fell obligated. Btw I’m renaming it Dance of the Tavens (so you aren’t confused because it was called Uneasy Alliance before). It’s also the one I have on authonomy (I actually only signed up to authonomy to support your book!)
      Or you know if you don’t feel in the fantasy / adventure / romance mood you can always read About That Happy Ending instead of Dance of the Tavens.
      Whatever! Even if you don’t get round to it, I am still a devoted fan! Unconditionally ;-)

      12 months ago
      • Soulhaven
        Soulhaven said:

        Wow. Thanks for your epic comment about epic comments (o: That’s awesome.
        Yes, I am in the Southern Hemisphere. New Zealand, to be exact.
        I, too, am a hopeless romantic – hence why I am writing this tale! However, I do roll my eyes at heavy-handed “romance”, so I try very hard to keep it as just *part* of the story, even if it is the backbone.
        Ooh, cool, I’ll check it out on Authonomy, as well, then – although, Jottify loads faster . . . But, I can back it. But, yes, I will do so honestly, so let me get to reading it first! I’m sure I will like it, I like what I’ve seen of your work in my news stream when others have “Liked” or commented.
        No, Humperdink wasn’t balding, or portly . . . it’s more his voice I hear when Gaemil speaks. The rest I’m still shaping.
        The next chapter is going to be a bit of backstory visiting. You’ll have to let me know how I went – no doubt you will!
        Oh, and I have to share . . . I had the clamactic scene play out in my head the other night, just like a movie. It’s a new version to what I’ve had in mind for several years, but it answers the questions and smooths out the concerns I had with the old version. I’m excited about getting to it, but I have to build to it, yet, and I don’t want to rush anything. So, you’ll just have to wait (o: (see, southern hemisphere smiley!)

        12 months ago
        • SonyaLano
          SonyaLano said:

          I must have a thing for southern hemisphere writers, because several of my favorite authors on Jottify are from NZ or Australia!
          Oh, yes, I roll my eyes at heavy-handed romance, too! And sometimes the descriptions of the men make me giggle out loud, like that tick in his cheek or his jaw or his chin or his nose that always seems to flicker when he’s angry…
          Jottify definitely loads faster and it’s easier on the eyes than Authonomy, and the chapters are better, and the comments work better, and – well, you get the point :-) You can probably see why I’d rather comment here! Although if you’d like I can take some of my comments from here and copy them on Authonomy, just let me know :-)
          I’ll definitely let you know about how the backstory visiting went once you get it up!
          YES, congrats on the climactic scene playing out! That is so awesome :-) I know exactly how you feel – the excitement of it all falling together in seamless perfection, a titillating culmination of all your efforts in one final blaze of glory! Erm…not that mine ever look like that, mind, but you know what I mean ;-) When it all comes to a head and you know exactly how it’s going to come together, it’s just a great feeling! You should celebrate ;-)
          Nice to see a southern hemisphere smiley now and then, let me try one too… (o; Er…uh…I don’t quite think my winky one works as well as yours!

          12 months ago
  15. SonyaLano
    SonyaLano said:

    I take it by ‘seventeen’ you mean chapter ‘sixteen’? or are you just teasing us now by saying it’s up and not publishing it? :-)
    I liked this chapter a lot. I didn’t realize till the end that I was supposed to be watching the info-dump action but honestly it all read fast and fun to me. I found it fascinating finding out stuff I didn’t know before ;-) And I didn’t feel at all that I was reading an info-dump.
    I might be getting confused though, so let me see if I’ve gotten it straight: Both of Jonas’ parents were Sykaran? That’s why he’s Sykaran? (And Braph is only Karan because one of his parents was only Karan and not Sykaran?) And then Jonas’ wife was also Sykaran? So his son is Sykaran? So Aris’ plan has already come to fruition so to speak? Only the child is in the wrong hands?
    I hope you’re still having fun with it!

    12 months ago
    • Soulhaven
      Soulhaven said:

      Oops. Indeed – I’m thinking 17 ‘cos that’s what I’m working on. Silly.

      Thanks for finding the time to look.
      Great to know about the info dump. I think the lesson here is to leave it until readers have a good relationship with the characters. That’s my theory, anyway.
      Yes, you’re pretty well spot on with everything – although, I think I have an idea of a short bit I could stick in to make it clearer (so, thanks). Both Jonas’ parents were Syakaran. The Syakaran line seems to need to be pure. The Syaenuk line is less well studied.
      So, Braph was born to a Syakaran father and a “normal” mother. He is Karan. Two Kara will have Kara children, too. Braph’s mother died in childbirth (Braph’s little sister died, too), and Aris just saw it as an opportunity to introduce Braph’s father to a single Syakaran lady he’d found . . . and the result was Jonas.
      And, yes, the boy will be Syakaran. But, Aris didn’t want to risk Jonas inside Turhmos, not in the emotional mess he was in after his family was killed. He doubted Jonas would find the boy and return alive. So, he has had spies trying to locate the boy for the past year. It’s a big deal that Aris has let Jonas go now – but Jonas is another year older and not quite the hot-head he was back then (not much better, but better).

      As you can probably guess, all these issues can’t be dealt with by the end of this one story. Hence the plan for a sequel in the works. And, I assume I should probably aim for a trilogy, since that seems to be the way to go. I will keep my internal eyes and ears open for more character issues.

      I already know how book 2 starts. Just need to work out the rest.

      12 months ago
  16. Oakley Beckett

    Just finished chapter three, loving this so far!
    Hoping work goes quick so I can jump straight back on here
    (:

    12 months ago
    • Soulhaven
      Soulhaven said:

      Yay. Giving people reading pleasure makes me very happy. I hope you continue to enjoy it.

      12 months ago
  17. Celticlily said:

    This is brilliant! I love the characters and the world and- well, basically all of it :)

    11 months ago
    • Soulhaven
      Soulhaven said:

      Thank you so kindly for the comment. I am working feverishly to complete the manuscript. Then I’m sending it into a competition that has the teeniest tiniest chance of resulting in publication (not even a guarantee for those that win, so very very teeny tiny). After I see how that goes, well, all bets may be off and I’ll share more online and work towards self-pubbing …
      Your comment lets me know I’m on the right track. Thanks.

      11 months ago
      • Celticlily said:

        Well, good luck! I’ll be scanning the bookshops if it does get published ;)

        11 months ago
  18. Jame5.King
    Jame5.King said:

    aw man. i went on vacation after chapter ten and now its all gone. ill try authonomy to see if i can continue

    10 months ago
    • Soulhaven
      Soulhaven said:

      Oops, sorry. The whole thing is nearly finished. You can request to be a beta reader, if you like.

      10 months ago
  19. RCCampbell
    RCCampbell said:

    WOW, congrats on getting published! Who with? :)
    Rachel x

    7 months ago
    • Soulhaven
      Soulhaven said:

      A new UK-based imprint called Kristell Ink (www.kristell-ink.com). We’re just tidying up final edits now, discussing cover design and MAPS! (Yes, there will be maps!). And I’m already 15,000 words into the next book in the trilogy! So, good times ahead.
      Thanks for the comment. You’ll know when it’s available – I plan to do a couple of Jottify plug-runs when it comes out (looking like late-January, maybe early-Feb, and this stage)

      7 months ago
  20. Johari
    JohariSupporter said:

    Gripped by the blurb, and this is a novel twist on the concept of ‘healer’. I would definately buy this based on what I’ve read so far.

    7 months ago
    • Soulhaven
      Soulhaven said:

      Wow, thanks for the comment. I won’t let it’s release go by silently! Look out for it early next year. (o:

      7 months ago
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